AND THEN I HAD A HEART ATTACK

The phone rang.
I looked at caller ID.
The number was 1-720-000-000 <- really.  I'm not just putting the 0's in there.
Hmmm...........


"Hello"
"Is Mr. Brian Cox available?"
"No he isn't.  May I take a message."
"Yes.  This is Lieutenant Gerald Hansen with the Arapahoe County Sheriff.............."

Quit talking!  My heart has stopped.
What is he saying?  Who did what to whom?

 

Where are my children?  What did they do?
Can you call 911 for me?  I've stopped breathing...

"and will you just let him know that his Concealed Weapons Permit has arrived and he can pick it up any time?"


I HATE phone calls like that!

Kids and Christmas

Enjoy!

BE OF GOOD CHEER!

* Everyone knows the Cox boys love girls to support the high school!  Yep!  They are full of testosterone school spirit. 

It's been a family(?) tradition for the last 9 years to go to the State Cheerleading Competition to support the school's cheerleaders.
And it has NOTHING to do with the fact that they get to miss school to do it!

Really?  I can't believe that I just heard myself say, "Hey Bridget! Small talk. Small talk.  Will you please excuse Parker from school today.  He's there right now, but he's leaving after 1st period.  He's going to the cheerleading competition."

* Thank heavens it's Friday!
Thank heavens for -

Go see Mrs. 4444. I'll excuse you from work to go cheer her on!

* I received this email -
"We're sorry!
We inadvertently sent you a birthday wish email when it's not your birthday.

Since you are not eligible to enter the Pillsbury Birthday Sweepstakes this month, we'd like you to enjoy ths free digital magazine.  Please accept our apologies.


Whoa, whoa, whoa! It MOST CERTAINLY IS MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!
What do you mean I'M NOT ELIGIBLE TO ENTER?
Take it back!  Take it back now!
I'm going to go look at the email that I never read and automatically deleted: the original one letting me enter the sweepstakes.  Because now, I'm interested!


* Just so you know - My birthday is the 29th of this month. Don't just stand there, start shopping or making cupcakes or cookies or something!




* Parker's lacrosse coach told him, "Whenever I see you in the hall during passing period, I better see you with a peanut butter sandwich.  No, make that two.  One in each hand."


* Parker is trying to gain weight.
He thinks 4000 calories a day is reasonable.
Here is what he has eaten in the last 24 hours.


1 PBJ sandwich
3 slices of cheese
1 bowl of ice cream
1 Peanut Butter and banana sandwich
Orange Juice
1 Handful of baby carrots
1/2 a Supreme pizza with veggies
1 Chicken Breast sandwich with cheese, lettuce and tomato
1 Apple
1 Clementine
1 Hamburger
a small salad
Fries
a handful of mini cookies
2 Servings of Pasta with Broccoli and Ham
1 more bowl of ice cream


* We were looking at nutrition bars specifically for those high in protein AND high in calories.
Many were diet bars with less than 100 calories.
Parker - "I hate America!  I'm a skinny kid in a fat man's world!"

* Why are my kids asking for Nerf Shotguns for Christmas?
Once they receive them, and they are confident they will receive them,
they plan on sawing off the barrel
to make a Sawed Off Nerf Shotgun.
They are 19 and 16.
What is wrong with them?
At least the 21 year old isn't in on this scheme (yet.)
 
* Today's decorating goals:
Finish up the mantle and put up the rest of the Christmas Crizap so we can put the tree up this weekend.
I didn't say we were decorating it.
I said we (might) put it up.
 
Have a good weekend!
Gina

CHRISTMAS DECORATING THE ADHD WAY

The other day, I mentioned that it takes a century to decorate the banister for Christmas.  Okay, so other time frames were thrown around - 2 days, 10 hours...whatever.


"Some people" were wondering if I was exaggerating.
How can it take 10 hours?
You can BUILD a banister in 10 hours for heavens sake.


Fine.
I'll explain.


7:30 - Dressed and ready for the day.
I think I'll put the garland on the banister.
After I blog!
8 am - Go down to the basement and find the bin marked "Garland - Banister."  Not "Garland - Front Door" or "Garland - Mantel."
Figures - it's in the back on the top shelf. 
Balance one leg on the shelf and one leg 2 feet over on the file cabinet and heft it down.
Bring it upstairs.


Throw in some laundry.
Go out and get the paper.
Make my bed.


8:30 am - Oh yeah, I was going to put the garland up.
Put it up.

Think about calling it a day.  Do I really want to open the bin and get out all the beads and the ribbon and the ornaments.  It's like a Jack in the box.  Once you take the lid off, it's like a Christmas decoration bomb went off.  Hmm.......should I vacuum up the fake pine needles now before I track them all over the house or wait until I am done?

8:50 - Read the paper and eat a mint brownie

9:15 - Yeah - I better vacuum up those pine needles.

9:20 - Get out the gold ribbon and start wrapping it around the garland.  Shoot which directon do I want it to go? 

9:25 - Darn it! How many times am I going to drop the rolled up ribbon and have to re-roll it.

9:40 - Done with the gold!

Put the laundry in the dryer.
Hmmm......check emails.
Straighten desk.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Finish cleaning the kitchen.


10:30 - What?  It's 10:30?
I really should start getting ready for the lacrosse meeting tonight.
We probably need copies.
I'll do that after I put on the red ribbon.


10:35 - Get out the red ribbon.
Wait. What direction is the gold ribbon going.
Hmmm...okay, so the red ribbon goes the opposite direction.
Good....good......
The phone rings.
Where is the phone?


11:00 - Finish the red ribbon.

11:30 - Work on things for the lacrosse meeting.
Maybe I should go run errands.
I really shouldn't.
I should finish this.
Maybe I should finish the things for the meeting.
I should finish this.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Fold laundry


11:50 - Oh yeah - the banister.
Get out the red beads.
Put them on.

12:05 - Where are the gold beads.
I always put gold beads on.
I am NOT going to go dig through any other bins.
Where are the gold beads?
We're going to have to skip the gold beads.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Phone rings.
Put clean sheets on the bed while on the phone.
Start more laundry.


12:20 - Ohhh.....I need to mail the boys' Christmas packages.  They NEED the chocolate advent calendars.
I better run to the store and get the rest of the decorations for their apartments and some candy and snacks for the boxes.
I need to go to the bathroom.


1:15 - Get home.
Leave the Christmas crap for the boys in the car.
I don't want to drag it in the house.  I have a big enough mess.
Transfer laundry.
Write down some notes for my 2:30 meeting.
I should change into a skirt.
I still have to go to the bathroom.


1:45 - Where was I?
Oh, I'll put up the ornaments before I take off for the meeting.
Good thing I store the heavy duty wire WITH the ornaments.
These things are soooo heavy.  They better stay on!
I need to be very careful because we brought them all the way home from..............
Crash...........London.
One fell and couldn't just land on the floor, but landed on another one.

We're down two giant glass globes.
Should I finish hanging the ornaments?
Sweep up the glass?
Or go to the bathroom?
I keep putting up ornaments and only have to pull shards of glass out of my tights twice.
I hope I don't get blood on the carpet.

2:30 - Interview candidate #1 to be the new lacrosse coach.


3:00 - The Athletic Director says we have a few minutes before we interview candidate #2.
Would any of us like to use the restroom or get a drink?
I sprint for the bathroom.


4:40 - Get home.
I don't have to leave for a full hour and ten minutes.
Let's do this.
Let's focus and finish the banister.
I'm hungry.
Did I eat lunch?
Are the copies made for tonight?
Where's that box of stuff I need to take?
I should probably grab a couple of boxes of pens.
"Parker?  Parker?  What do you want for dinner?  Qdoba?  Chick-fil-A? Come on right now.  We have to go."


6:00 - Meeting
8:30 - Get home. 
All I have left is to bedeck the banister with bows.
All the bows have been smashed in the box for a year and will take as long to "fluff" as it would to make new ones.
But I'm soooo close to being done!
And I'm hungry!

And now you know why it takes so long to decorate the banister!
Gina

SELF MOTIVATION!

Rather than engage in the 10 hour time commitment it takes to decorate the banister,
I will waste time sharing some little known (probably for a good reason) Christmas trivia.
Anything to get out of dragging the gee gaw out!

* Christmas trees are edible. Many parts of pines, spruces, and firs can be eaten. The needles are a good source of vitamin C. Pine nuts, or pine cones, are also a good source of nutrition.  Just ask your cat......or your two year old.

*Greeks do not use Christmas trees or give presents at Christmas. A priest may throw a little cross into the village water to drive the kallikantzari (gremlin-like spirits) away. To keep them from hiding in dark, dusty corners, he goes from house to house sprinkling holy water.  For presents, I'll take my chances with the gremlins.

* "Wassail" comes from the Old Norse "ves heill"--meaning what the hell is , this stuff? to be of good health. This evolved into the tradition of visiting neighbors on Christmas Eve and drinking to their health.  Sorry, wassail fans, if drinking wassail brings you good health, I'll be dead before the holiday season's out.  Why can't we drink to people's health with ice cold Coke?

* After "A Christmas Carol," Charles Dickens wrote several other Christmas stories, one each year, but none was as successful as the original.  Because, nothing says "Merry Christmas" like lame children, misers, and old English poverty.

*Before settling on the name of Tiny Tim for his character in "A Christmas Carol," three other alliterative names were considered by Charles Dickens. They were Little Larry, Puny Pete, and Small Sam. And THIS is why we revere him as a great classic writer!  He's creative like that!

* In Britain, eating mince pies at Christmas dates back to the 16th century. It is still believed that to eat a mince pie on each of the Twelve Days of Christmas will make you spew, give those perfect English teeth and bring 12 happy months in the year to follow.  There's a reason they ate them in the 16th century!  Cupcakes hadn't been invented yet.  Move on people! Get a new tradition.  And take your fruit cake with you!

* The Puritans forbade the singing of Christmas carols. Yeah, it was probably after they were forced to listen to those dogs barking out "Jingle Bells," Smashing Pumpkins' version of "Christmastime," and Bruce Springsteen's "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."  Those are all banned around here too!

Well, that was motivating!  NOW, I'm going to crank up the holiday tunes, hope Adam Sandler's version of the Hanukah song comes on and deck the halls! 

RANDOMLY KILLING ME SOFTLY

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday.......like a Phoenix rising from the ashes.
After the destruction of Monday, there is always Tuesday........
and that means RaNDoM!

Don't you love Keely?
Well, get on over to The Un Mom and tell her!

* I might have to stop blogging.
Brian had a nightmare and it was bloody and violent!
Someone was stalking me....
and it all started with this blog!

Because it's just THAT interesting!

* Don't you love trash day?
Especially after a holiday!
Say goodbye to the turkey carcass!
Say goodbye to whatever leftovers are hanging out in the refrigerator!
Good riddance!
I love an empty refrigerator.

* I couldn't decide what to have for dinner last night.
Left over turkey?
Left over ham?
Soup and a sandwich?
And then Brian walked through the door with a plate of mint brownies.
Someone at work made them for me.
Dilemma solved!

Guess what I am having for breakfast?

* I may or may not get out some Christmas decor today.
I may or may not wash all the sheets now that all the "guests" have left.
I may or may not run errands.
I may or may not hire (okay, give my input. I'm not THAT powerful!) a new lacrosse coach today.

If I decide to NOT everything, what should I do?

* Do you think it is bad that I was reading blogs at the same time as taking an online quiz on how to be a Boy Scout leader?
Really, I'm pro at multi-tasking!

See!  Everybody knows the answer to "True or False? Light hazing is acceptable with adult supervision."
Boy scouts is just like being IN MY family..........where light hazing is ALWAYS acceptable.

*I never told you what we had for Thanksgiving.
I'm kind of bummed that I don't have a picture of the heaily laden table.
But then again..........it is kind of embarrassing.
Talk about gluttony.
But I will give you a hint - 2 turkeys, 1 ham, 3 kinds of potatoes, 5 pies and cheesecake.
I won't tell you how many people were here.  I'll let you think it was about 45.

* If you ARE stalking this blog and plan on taking it to the next level and showing up here with a knife,
could you please give me a little heads up and comment?  Thanks!

Happy Tuesday!

OUT WITH THANKSGIVING!

I guess I never showed you the finished Glitter Corn centerpiece project!
Unfortunately, I don't have any really good pictures of it either.

It did provide hours of entertainment because guests, like small children, cannot NOT touch the glitter corn.  As a result, by the end of dinner, nearly everyone.....except for me of course, had glitter on their faces.

But Thanksgiving is over!  it's time to move on.

Out with the old and in with the new:

Aren't I cleber?
I changed up the tablecloth, got rid of the glitter corn,
kept the candles and glittered gee gaw and added gold mistle toe and glittery birds.

If only, that was ALL I had to do to pull Christmas off.
Wouldn't that be amazing?
I always hesitate to START dragging out the Christmas "stuff" because it's like an avalanche of tinsel and trinkets that take over the house.
I wish was Cindy Lou Who on The Grinch and I had that Christmas Light Cannon that could shoot the decorations whereever I wanted!

I can dream can't I?