Plan the FUNERAL

THIS is not what I expected at all today!

I planned on giving you a few updates ..... like about the Black Widow l, Trambodia, Peter Rabbit and the vegetable garden, and my brush with fame........well I still am going to....kinda.

But.....

Black Widow & Babies Update:

As of last night, Momma Black Widow was STILL ALIVE!

The whole "catch the offending creature in a jar with no air or food or water" was a HUGE mistake. I had know idea that she would bear children and live forever!

A month has gone by.

She FINALLY died some time in the wee hours of morning.

But what now? What about the egg sack, ball, nest thingy?

I do have one friend of a friend of a reader who is NOT HAPPY that I am not planning on releasing 60 baby black widows into the wild.

He is really offended and upset. Evidently, he plays his clarinet and violin for HIS pregnant black widown in captivity and then drives somewhere where black widows are revered and appreciated and sets them free. Oh please, oh please don't let him find out about this.

Seriously, this is an INSECT (okay - arachnid) DISASTER.

Why, oh why, couldn't have just done the right thing and smash the black widow with a rock?

Oh and since I am evidently a collector of dead insects, I now have these on my desk.

WHY?

Three Second Rule????

Is it a "Three second rule?" or "Five second rule?" or "Thirty minute rule?"
And does it just apply to your own house?
Just the kitchen?
What about the bathroom?

Who made up this rule?

I need some clarification.

The reason I ask is because the other day, Parker ate a churro off the street.

And I'm not talking about from the street........as in VENDOR.

I mean from the street.......as in OFF the street.

And not really off the street, but off of the parking lot.

Is there a difference? And if so, what is it?

I admit it.

I bribe my kids to accompany me places with food.

I told him he could get WHATEVER he wanted from the luscious Costco food court, knowing that even if he bought one of everything, it wouldn't cost more than $5.

So we were leaving Costco with 2 Polish dogs, 2 drinks, 1 ginormous slice of pizza and 2 churros............along with the heavy laden cart filled with life sustaining items like Blood Orange soda, salami, beach towels and AAA batteries.

We made it all the way to the car when one of the churros just broke in half and fell to the ground.

He paused.

He snatched it up off the parking lot.

And quickly took a bite, like eating it hurriedly would prove it was alright.

It's alright isn't it?

I don't think he beat the 3 second rule.

He might have beat the 5 second rule.

But he for sure beat the 30 minute rule.........which is why I like the 30 minute rule.

And besides, our Costco is only like a year old,

so it can't be that bad.........can it?

RANDOM THOUGHT TUESDAY

It’s Random Thought Tuesday with Keely The Unmom/.

- I love Random Thought Tuesday. In my life, everyday is Random Thought Day.

- Garrett got a NEW job. Oh he’s still a lifeguard. But in his free time, he is a business man. It’s serious business too! He has a blackberry and a laptop and he a cosigner on the business account. (Because I am such a supportive mom, I laughed – like guffawed- the whole time he was telling me about it). He kept saying, “Mom, why are you laughing?” I was laughing to hard to deny that I was laughing. Anyway, he is managing a self storage center. He rents out units, collects rent, locks people out when they don’t pay their rent, lets them back in when they finally do come up with the money, etc. It’s a legit job.

- When Garrett and I went to the funeral last week, he nudged me and said, “Mom, see that statue on the right?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Garrett: “It looks really familiar.”

Me: “Duh! It’s The Pieta. You’ve seen the real one in Florence.” Garrett: “Yeah…….I knew it looked familiar but isn’t the real one bigger and it’s not plaster is it? Isn't it made out of marble?” Oh geez!

- It’s going to be 96 degrees today. I’m thinking of spending the day at the pool. Brian says that is backwards to how most people think. He says that on hot days, people look for things to do INSIDE, not purposely go outside. What do you think?

- We are getting a new bishop Sunday. I’m excited! Not because I want to dump the old bishop. I like him. I LOVE change. I find it exciting.

- Don’t you hate it when you are handling frozen juice, ice cream or popsicles and sometime in its life it has melted and dripped and then refrozen and every time you touch the container, it’s sticky. What is with that?

- I love Colorado summers. If you’ve never been to Colorado, you really should visit. I have NEVER seen a sky so cloudless and blue. Everyday is gorgeous.

- If I see ONE MORE Michael Jackson anything, I am going to scream. Enough already!

OOPS! I Did it Again!

I'm a slow learner. A really slow learner!

Yesterday, we were asked to fast and pray for one of the missionaries in the mission here. He is serving in the neighboring stake. They were having a zone activity and he fractured his neck. He has feeling in his arms but not in his legs. He is having surgery to see if they can repair whatever they need to so that he can get the feeling back. His family has come from out of town to be with him. The whole story is really sad.

Luckily, between sunday school and relief society, the nursery leader stuck her head out of the nursery and asked if i could help her. A sweet little girl had soved wads of toilet paper down the toilet and the mini toilet in the nursery was overflowing, plus one of the little boys really had to go.

So while looking for the plunger and taking this boy to find his parents, I had a minute to say a little prayer. I was busy making my case before the Lord and pleading that he would restore the feeling to this missionary and make him whole. I even had a convincing argument that such a miracle would really unite the mission. I was going on and on "selling" the Lord on my idea of what a good outcome would be.

Suddenly I realized that it isn't really my decision. How do I know what would be "best" for this missionary? I found myself saying, "Nevermind Heavenly Father. I take it all back. I don't know what the best thing is. It's wrong for me to ask for that. What I really want is for thy will to be done."

How many times to we try to counsel the Lord and tell him what WE think would be best?

Having found the plunger, someone to fix the toilet and the little boy's dad, I entered Relief Society just as the lesson was starting.

The lesson was on "Sincere Prayer." Hmmm.........who needed that lesson?
Yep, sometimes I need it spelled out for me!

SUMMER FAMILY REUNIONS!

Summer is the time to reunite and reconnect with family.

There's the big hugs and sloppy kisses from people you've never met,

matching t-shirts for 125, warm potato salad in the park, and skits about "inside" family jokes that anyone born after 1959 doesn't get.

And everyone's favorite activity is when the professional photographer shows up to take pictures of the whole gang!

I hope you have a wonderful time at your reunion!

I just hope it's not with any of these families!

A family that hunts together..........eats?

If you're hookin up with Ron and Lucinda and gang in North Dakota, you might want to offer to bring the burgers.

If you are passing through Nebraska, do NOT accept an offer to stay in the Bates extra room. Get a hotel!

Looks like the Young family reunion has started without you and they aren't playing card games!

And I thought it was bad when they passed out matching t-shirts at the reunion.

Can you say............."Family Tree?"
I'm sorry.........just say no.

But I do want to see how the multigenerational picture comes out.

Bummer that Jeff and BeckLynn won't be there. They're.........busy. But they send their love and sent this pic so they can be photo-shopped in!

Happy Family Time!

MY TIME OF NEED

In my darkest hour of sitting by the pool,
you felt my pain and heard my pleas and responded.

Look what someone brought by last night -

Aren't they are cute and fesitive? And the pinwheels that really spin when you walk!

and look what someone else brought by.

Guess what I am having for breakfast?
CUPCAKES!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I don't want to admit this, but since there are only 3 readers of this blog, it will be our little secret.

Jen suggested I "try" The Cookie Company at Southlands.

Do think the fact that the when I walk into The Cookie Company, the owners stop what they are doing, bag up a frosted sugar cookie and ask me how yesterday went (including details) is an indication that I've tried it?
It's just that they are a small business owned by women and I WANT them to succeed!

Now on to Writer's Workshop with Kat at Mama's Losin It.
She puts out five prompts and you are invited to write to one of them.

I chose #2 - Write Five Incredibly Short Books.
The examples listed to inspire us included:
"The Book of Female Popes"
"The 2008 Book of General Motors Profits"

Here are five books that I wrote over the winter and are on my summer reading list -

"Hip Hop Songs with Family Friendly Lyrics" - this will be a wonderful tool for Family Home Evening.

"Professional Athletes We Should Emulate" - a must have for any teenage boy desiring to "go places" in life.

"My Love Affair with Housework"

"Smart Boys" - Lists of ALL the intelligent things boys do during teenagedom.

And - inspired by a Canadian friend (and my brothers who are brats), "Canada's Contributions to World History."

Happy Reading!

The BONEHEAD BROTHERS Achieve Their Fondest Dream

Well, one of them.
Remember when the Bonehead Brothers went to the art show in search of a sofa size painting?

And how mad they were when they couldn't find one?

How happy was I when Tyler bounced into the house with this –
Yes……..lovely!
It’s called……..you’ll never guess………”Conquistador.”

Tyler: "Look what I got?"

ME (always supportive): "That is the ugliest thing I have ever seen!"

Tyler: "No it's not. It's totally cool and it's called...Conquistador."

ME: "Whatever! He's hideous."

Tyler" "And I got it for free!"

ME: "I hope so!"

Tyler: "It's awesome and I'm taking it with me to school."
ME: "Thank heavens."

Tyler: "Yeah, I'm hanging it in my dorm."
ME: "I pity your room mate."

How crushed am I that he took that thing with him?