Thursday, December 2, 2010


The other day, I mentioned that it takes a century to decorate the banister for Christmas.  Okay, so other time frames were thrown around - 2 days, 10 hours...whatever.

"Some people" were wondering if I was exaggerating.
How can it take 10 hours?
You can BUILD a banister in 10 hours for heavens sake.

I'll explain.

7:30 - Dressed and ready for the day.
I think I'll put the garland on the banister.
After I blog!
8 am - Go down to the basement and find the bin marked "Garland - Banister."  Not "Garland - Front Door" or "Garland - Mantel."
Figures - it's in the back on the top shelf. 
Balance one leg on the shelf and one leg 2 feet over on the file cabinet and heft it down.
Bring it upstairs.

Throw in some laundry.
Go out and get the paper.
Make my bed.

8:30 am - Oh yeah, I was going to put the garland up.
Put it up.
Think about calling it a day.  Do I really want to open the bin and get out all the beads and the ribbon and the ornaments.  It's like a Jack in the box.  Once you take the lid off, it's like a Christmas decoration bomb went off.  Hmm.......should I vacuum up the fake pine needles now before I track them all over the house or wait until I am done?

8:50 - Read the paper and eat a mint brownie

9:15 - Yeah - I better vacuum up those pine needles.
9:20 - Get out the gold ribbon and start wrapping it around the garland.  Shoot which directon do I want it to go? 
9:25 - Darn it! How many times am I going to drop the rolled up ribbon and have to re-roll it.
9:40 - Done with the gold!
Put the laundry in the dryer.
Hmmm......check emails.
Straighten desk.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Finish cleaning the kitchen.

10:30 - What?  It's 10:30?
I really should start getting ready for the lacrosse meeting tonight.
We probably need copies.
I'll do that after I put on the red ribbon.

10:35 - Get out the red ribbon.
Wait. What direction is the gold ribbon going.
Hmmm...okay, so the red ribbon goes the opposite direction.
The phone rings.
Where is the phone?

11:00 - Finish the red ribbon.
11:30 - Work on things for the lacrosse meeting.
Maybe I should go run errands.
I really shouldn't.
I should finish this.
Maybe I should finish the things for the meeting.
I should finish this.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Fold laundry

11:50 - Oh yeah - the banister.
Get out the red beads.
Put them on.

12:05 - Where are the gold beads.
I always put gold beads on.
I am NOT going to go dig through any other bins.
Where are the gold beads?
We're going to have to skip the gold beads.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Phone rings.
Put clean sheets on the bed while on the phone.
Start more laundry.

12:20 - Ohhh.....I need to mail the boys' Christmas packages.  They NEED the chocolate advent calendars.
I better run to the store and get the rest of the decorations for their apartments and some candy and snacks for the boxes.
I need to go to the bathroom.

1:15 - Get home.
Leave the Christmas crap for the boys in the car.
I don't want to drag it in the house.  I have a big enough mess.
Transfer laundry.
Write down some notes for my 2:30 meeting.
I should change into a skirt.
I still have to go to the bathroom.

1:45 - Where was I?
Oh, I'll put up the ornaments before I take off for the meeting.
Good thing I store the heavy duty wire WITH the ornaments.
These things are soooo heavy.  They better stay on!
I need to be very careful because we brought them all the way home from..............
One fell and couldn't just land on the floor, but landed on another one.
We're down two giant glass globes.
Should I finish hanging the ornaments?
Sweep up the glass?
Or go to the bathroom?
I keep putting up ornaments and only have to pull shards of glass out of my tights twice.
I hope I don't get blood on the carpet.
2:30 - Interview candidate #1 to be the new lacrosse coach.

3:00 - The Athletic Director says we have a few minutes before we interview candidate #2.
Would any of us like to use the restroom or get a drink?
I sprint for the bathroom.

4:40 - Get home.
I don't have to leave for a full hour and ten minutes.
Let's do this.
Let's focus and finish the banister.
I'm hungry.
Did I eat lunch?
Are the copies made for tonight?
Where's that box of stuff I need to take?
I should probably grab a couple of boxes of pens.
"Parker?  Parker?  What do you want for dinner?  Qdoba?  Chick-fil-A? Come on right now.  We have to go."

6:00 - Meeting
8:30 - Get home. 
All I have left is to bedeck the banister with bows.
All the bows have been smashed in the box for a year and will take as long to "fluff" as it would to make new ones.
But I'm soooo close to being done!
And I'm hungry!

And now you know why it takes so long to decorate the banister!


valerie said...

lol. It usually takes me a week to get everything out and put up. My tree though is usually up by Thanksgiving weekend though. Way to go on the banister now on to the tree! :)

Mama Badger said...

So, it's not the banisters fault you have the attention span of a 2 year old? Is that the message here ;)?

It looks beautiful. Even if it did take all day.

Paula said...

That does explain it!

Stef said...

HAha. That is a typical mother's thought process. We multi-task to our own demise...but look what you can get done! And it looks amazing!

Ashli Dardenne said...

If you wear Depends then you could just pee in those and you would save time by not having to run to the bathroom. See, you have to think outside the box here. =)

Danelle said...

I decorate my banister in a similar manner, by which I mean I have similar decorations and a similar banister decorating schedule. :)

Julianna said...

Good golly woman! I think I'd just make it all up once and put it away VERY carefully so I could just stick it up the next year.

If I had to do all that... well, there just wouldn't be Christmas at our house. EVER.

Dysfunctional Mom said...

The end result is beautiful!
My problem is decorating the OCD way. I put stuff out, then totally rearrange it because it has to be just so, and symmetrical. I am completely INSANE about that. It has to look just right and heaven forbid anyone move it.