Friday, February 26, 2010

The Almost Sugarless FRIDAY FIELD TRIP

We haven't been on a Field Trip forever!

But today's field trip was pretty much doomed from the start.

1) I got up at 0 dark 30.
2) I've had a long week
and the worst of all - our field trip was to someplace healthy.

Margaret decided to drag me to the GRAND OPENING of a new Sprouts Farmer's Market.  (She's much more reasonable than I if you want the real scoop, head on over to her place -Facts from a Fact Woman
We left at 8 am, thinking that the store probably opened at 8.
After listening to me whine the whole way there, we pulled in the PACKED parking lot.
Evidently, everyone is dying for some gluten-free, MSG free, salt free, fun free products.

After we negotiated the parking lot, we headed into the store.

I knew it was going to be okay when we walked through the first doors and I was greeted by a huge Cheese Curl display.
And then, we grabbed out ridiculously mini carts and entered the main store where -
a chorus of angels sang,
the bakery department was immediately on my left,
AND two people approached me offering............
Cookies and Muffins!
Suddenly, this field trip was looking up.
Margaret proceeded to the meat counter.
I went to the large Hansen's display to find Mandarin Lime Soda.
Margaret went to the produce department.
I went to the chip aisle.
Margaret went to the bulk food department and extolled the virtues of ridiculously low priced dry apricots while I picked through gummy worms, bears and double dipped chocolate covered peanuts for just $1.99.

When we got to the check out, they were giving away free reusable bags and tubes of cherry chapstick.
And I wasn't nearly as cranky on the way home.

So all in all, it was a pretty good field trip.
Now, if the muffin would have had would have been awesome.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Fun NEVER Ends

Last night, the boys were home for 15 1/2 seconds between lacrosse practice and youth group.  While they were shoveling dinner into their mouths, I told them about all of the GREAT ideas my blogging friends had for Pengy (see yesterday's post if you don't know who/what Pengy is).

Me: "Someone suggested that maybe we could put Pengy out in the garden.  You know - like a garden gnome."
Garrett: What?  No way!  He never deserves to be in the dirt surrounded by flowers."
Parker: "Yeah, Garrett, whoever suggested that probably just said that so that they can come by and steal it!  Don't fall for it."
Garrett: "Seriously!  That thing belongs in the Louvre."

To his credit, he DID pronounce Louvre correctly.

After dinner, they had still had 5 seconds left before they had to leave for the next event.  Why would they spend any free time getting homework done when they can do this -
What?  You don't know what they are doing?  Here's snippets of their conversation:
"Dude, watch me catch this Mike and Ike. I'm pro."
"The rule is, you have to throw it up and have it hit the ceiling and then catch it in your mouth.
"Okay, back up.  Back up.  I'll throw it OVER the balcony and into the family room.  Go in there and catch it."

"Dude you stink!  Now, you throw it UP to me and I'll catch it."
"Now turn on the fan.  Throw it over the fan and I'll still catch it."

That is when I intervened and kicked them out of the house.
I am SOOOO proud.  My kids are so talented.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


Garrett came upstairs from the basement heaving sighs of disgust.

He poked his head into my office and exclaimed,
"I'm getting really sick of.................
THIS not being on display."

And from behind his back he pulls out

Why do I feel like I am dealing with a first grader?
Although I continue to return Pengy to a perfect display place....... in the basement,
he continues to show up on my desk, on a table in the front hall, on the buffet in the family room and in the middle of the kitchen counter.
Evidently, we have not given Pengy/Garrett enough artistic praise.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Sugar cookies, Oil Changes and Snow Shoveling

Tuesday?  It's Tuesday?
It feel like it's some kind of crazy day.

I have about 5 and a half minutes to get all my thoughts out and then move on to the craziness of my life.
You'll be jealous of all the fun things I have planned for the day -
the mechanic,
an oil change,
visiting some ladies from church,
a meeting with the principal
The fun goes on and on!

Here's some fun -
Go on over to Keely's The Unmom and link up.  You can play along!

* My hands hurt.
My hands hurt because I have been wringing gallons of water out of towels.
My washing machine is not "spinning."
Last week, it would spin about every 3rd load.
I experimented with putting fewer clothes in, more clothes in, different detergent.
This week, it doesn't want to spin at all.
Oh.......and we might not be able to get it fixed because it's a commercial washer and not just any Joe Washing Machine Repairguy can fix it.  Even the Maytag Repair Man probably can't fix it.
We'll see.

* I jut sent a birthday box to Cambodia for Trammell.
Last year, I sent him a cake mix and frosting, party hats, candles etc.
Then I saw THIS on Facebook -
Another mother posted about HER son celebrating HIS birthday about a month after Trammell's.  Then, I looked at the picture more closely.  Is that MY chocolate cake?  Are those MY Cars decorations? Are those MY Cars hats?  In my next email to Trammell, I asked him if he had given HIS birthday box to Elder Anderson.  He replied, "I'm not going to lie......"  He did!  He hates any hoopla.  He hid the box under his bed and then brought it out a month later for this other missionary.

Guess what I sent this year?  Yep - a cake mix, frosting, Spiderman hats, blowers etc.  Maybe he'll celebrate this year.....but I doubt it.

* In the "Did I really just say that?" category -
I went to a church program to speak to the teenage girls.
One of my friends/their leaders approached me: "Would you like to eat some dinner?"
Me: "Oh no thank you."
Friend: "Are you sure?  There is plenty."
Me: "Thanks, but I just ate seven sugar cookies.  There were only seven left and I didn't want someone else to eat the last one, so I ate all of them."

What???  What is WRONG with me?

* In the "Did YOU just say that?" category -
Yesterday, I was in a sugar induced coma after eating five sugar cookies (new batch).
I decided I needed to move around and get some fresh air.
It was sunny and warm (40 degrees), so I decided to go out and shovel the driveway.
I was shovelling away when the front door opened and Garrett popped his head out.
Garrett: "Mom, what are you doing?"
Me: "Oh I just thought I would shovel a little bit."
Garrett: "Mom, you really don't have to do that....."
My heart melts...awww.....what a sweet heart!
Garrett: "I'll send Parker out."

Wait!  What????  YOU will send your little brother out.
I started laughing so hard, I couldn't shovel anymore.

*I TOLD you that once lacrosse season started, it would finally snow!
First day of practice was yesterday.
The fields are covered in snow.
What does that mean?
Practice inside the school EVERY day from 7 to 9 pm.

The kids ate D1 at 5 pm and then came home for a second dinner at 9.  And then Parker made a noodle bowl at 10.  I guess I better get to the grocery store and stock up!

We have four games Saturday.  It's supposed to snow again on Thursday.  I am now taking bets on whether a) it's cancelled b) the snow melts and they play OR c) it snows and they make the kids shovel the field and then play.

I'm going to be late for my 9 o' clock appointment.  I'm out!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Beautiful Blogging Monday

It's Monday.
What I hate about Monday is that I try to cram five days' of "To-Do's" into ONE day.  Somehow, on Sunday night, I forget that I have FIVE full days to get everything done. 

But today is good...........because I won this -
It's pretty isn't it???  Well, a big thank you goes to Lisa at Mommying on the Fly for sharing with me!
She's my new best friend!

And maybe I'll be YOUR new best friend because the rules state to
1) Thank and link to the person that gave you the award.
2) Pass the award on to 15 Bloggers who you've RECENTLY discovered and whom you think are fantastic.
3) Contact said Blogs to let them know they've won
4) State 7 things about yourself.

So there you go.
If you aren't already my best friend, you might be my new best friend.
Look Below!
Congrats to -
1. Captain Dumbass
2. Mom Outnumbered
3. Mama Badger
4. Mrs. Bear
5. Small Town Mommy
6. Beautiful Wreck
7. Mommy Drinks Beacuse You Cry
8.Ca Joh
9.Better in Bulk
10.2 Much Testosterone
11. Family of Shorts
12. The Testosterone Three and Me
13. Sprite's Keeper
14. The Only Childs
15.The Proof of This Joy in Me

Okaaayyyyy......that was hard!
All those links!

Seven Things About Me - Only 7?
1) I have the BEST family in the whole world.  I wanted to have all boys, I got all boys and they are the best.
2) The only thing better than the boys is my best friend; my husband.  We're trying to get rid of all those boys so we can party 24/7 or at least until our 7:30 bedtime.
3) A typical breakfast for me is a bakery item of some type and an ice cold coke - not diet.
4) The only thing I like better than cupcakes and cookies is BUTTER,  I'm uncomfortable if there are less than 10 pounds of butter in the freezer.
5) I love to read but I only read right before bed time.  Send your book suggestions my way!
6) I love to travel and half of the fun is in the planning.  I love to research destinations, restaurants, hotels etc.
7) I love to eat - besides butter, I'll take some bacon and some tacos, and a salad bar and shrimp and steak and tortellini alfedo and cheese and potato chips and veggies and dip and .....

Well, congrats to me........and all the other winners.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

What is REALLY Going on in Their Little Minds?

Do you ever look at your teenager and wonder "What are you thinking?"
Yeah - every day!

Parker was at my desk working on his application for the high school leadership class the other night.
He had to answer 5 short questions and then write an essay.

The leadership class is basically our high school's student council.
The process to get in includes 5 teacher recommendations, the applications and essays, a school wide vote and then an interview process.

When I got home, he was in bed
but his short answer responses were sitting on my computer screen.
Here is what I saw-

5) Tell about something that you are passionate about and how you show your passion  and how can that help you in the leadership class.

One thing I am passionate about in life is my religion. My religion and beliefs are very important to me. I persue this passion by maintaining my standards even when it is not easy. I believe a good leader does not give in to what is “popular” or “what everyone else is doing,” even when it may be difficult or hurt their social status. I strive to stand up for what is right no matter the cause. Something I plan on doing to pursue this passion is serving a two year mission for my church. I am dedicated to what I believe in and am willing to work hard toward it. A good leader is devoted to what they do, and I am devoted to my passions, whether it is my beliefs and religion or being a leader for the school.

Thank you Parker!

Friday, February 19, 2010


It's Friday!
Nothing is better than Friday!

I celebrating Friday with Mrs 4444 over at Half-Past Kissin Time.
You can to!  Go check her out, grab the button and defragment yourself!
* I am banned from watching the Olympics.
I'm too emotional.
I cry when someone bites it on the half pipe.
I cry when someone does really well on the half pipe.
I cry when the/any national anthem is played.
I cry when they show the parents of the athletes.
And then I cry when they cut to the Proctor & Gamble ad with all the little kids as mini Olympians.
I've won a gold metal for being overwrought!

* We are finally getting some snow here!
Come on!  It's Denver!  We're supposed to have snow pretty regularly.  I want to wear snow boots!
The east coast and the south has gotten all of OUR snow.
But, I predicted this would happen.
Yep - it's been a mild winter and NOW that the lacrosse season starts Monday......we can't see our grass.
I'm going to go buy some MORE long underwear.......since I wore mine nearly everyday last year from February to April.

* Years ago, I read a book (can't remember which one) by Barbara Kingsolver.
I didn't like it AT ALL.   Pretty much, I hated it.
But that was years ago.
I decided to be mature and give her a second chance.
I just finished The Poisonwood Bible.
Okay, I read to page 537 out of 543.
Guess what - even older and wiser - I don't like her writing.

* I HATE rebates!
The hubs bought a new Sonicare toothbrush with a $20 rebate.
The man at the store printed out the extra receipt, the form and gave us EVERYTHING we would need.
We came home, cut out the UPC, put everything in an envelope and mailed it -THAT DAY.
Just got an email saying that our rebate is invalid because - 2 or 3 pack brush UPC missing.
WHAT does that mean?
I'll take a stab at it.
They are right - the 2 or 3 pack brush UPC IS missing because that's not the rebate we are asking for.  That's not what we bought!
And now they want us to send in the original UPC.
Well.........they HAVE it. I'm fresh out of original UPC's.
I'll just call the number.  I'll just email them back.  Oh wait......there IS no number.  The email came from a no-reply address.
Isn't THAT convenient.
I don't think I want to be there when Brian marches into the store with the used toothbrush and no box and demands his money back.  Or maybe I do.

Well that's about it.
I have a list a mile long of "to do's" including -
finding housing and forging his name on a contract at BYU for when Trammell gets home from his mission,
helping Garrett to register for classes that he is guaranteed to get A's in for the summer session at college,
finding plane tickets to Cambodia,
and partying in general.

Happy Weekending!

Thursday, February 18, 2010


This week is FLYING by.  The four day weekend certainly helped.
And the fact that so many people are "entertaining" me helps too!

It's Thursday's Writers' Workshop over at Mama Kat's
Mama's Losin' It
Go on over and take a look around.
Pick a prompt and write away!

Yesterday, I shared an entertaining string of emails with Trammell in Cambodia.
But there's more where THAT came from
because I'm easily entertained!

I chose -
2.) Relay an entertaining conversation or string of emails you recently had with someone.

On Tuesday, Brian called at about 11:30 and said,
"Hey, why don't you grab the boys and meet me for some lunch and then we can go look for a TV stand (whole other post!)."

Frankly, with there being no school, I was surprised that the boys were even out of bed.
But luckily they were, because Brian was ready to go AND his office was closer to the restaurant.

I went down into the man cave,
saw the boys settled in at their respective TV's with controllers attached to their thumbs starting a Call of Duty marathon and delivered this command:
"Hey guys, kill as many people as you can in the next two minutes and then we gotta go to Smashburger."

Did I really just say that?
What kind of a mother am I?
They came up in two minutes ready to go.

Same day:
Brian: "Have you had your cupcakes?"
Remember, he spent an hour driving to my favorite cupcake store to deliver the goods on Valentine's?
Me: "Yeah, I told the boys they could have one."
Brian: "You're sharing?"
Me: "MmmmHmmmm"
Brian: "You're sharing?"
Me: reluctant to admit it, "Yeah, I know....."
Brian: "WOW! THAT'S Bloggable!"

What's he saying?
Okay.  So sharing is NOT my forte!

And in case your think stupid/entertaining conversations just happen with members of my family -
Here are a couple with my friend and fellow Blogger Margaret from Facts from a Factwoman
Margaret: "Wait, why can't you do it?  What browser are you using?"
Me: mumbling, "EyOhElll."
Margaret: "What?  Why aren't you using...."
Me: cutting her off at the pass, "Look, I'm behind.  When Al Gore was inventing the internet, I was right there with him.  The problem is - he  moved on.  I didn't."

And one more -
The phone rings.
Me: "Hello?"
Maragaret: "You know that thing where you had to fill in the thing?"
Me: "What?"
Margaret: "You know that thing you did and you had to answer that quiz?"
Me: "What?"
Margaret: "You know where you had to invite all your friends?"
Me: "I didn't take any quiz."
Maragaret: "And then at the end you had to enter your cell phone number and guess what?  They charge your cell phone $10 a month."
Me: "Yeah I didn't take any quiz."
Margaret: "You didn't?  It was an IQ test and then it didn't even work.  That app doesn't even work.  AND if you fill in your cell number, they charge you.  Wait.  So you didn't even get to the quiz.  Wow, i took the whole IQ test. I guess we know who has a higher IQ- the person who didn't even take the quiz."
Me: "Yeah - I'm putting you down on my "Stupid" conversation list."
Maragaret: "Gee thanks!"

What are friends for?
I'm off to have some more entertaining conversations!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Tuesday nights are ALWAYS exciting around here.
Tuesday night is when we hear from Trammell.

Wednesday is his P-Day - Preparation Day. It's the day to do laundry, grocery shopping, may see some of the local sites and most importantly, it's the day to email home!

They generally have 45 minutes at the internet cafe to print out mail from their inbox, write home and write their mission president. Although he can receive emails from people other than family, he can't respond via email. So letter writing is another activity for P-Day but there is rarely time.

Since Cambodia is 14 hours ahead,
his morning is our night.
We start watching for emails to pop in around 8 pm - his 10 am.

Here is what we received last night -

Dear Family! Thank you for your emails! I don't really have much to write about. Haven't really been out proselyting since my last email - had a little bike-moto accident. So the knee has been a lot better! I hope all is going well!

Elder Cox

My response:
Wait!?! What bike-moto accident? Details??????

We waited and waited to hear back from him.
Was anything broken?
Did he need any medical attention?

Just as an FYI - there are no real hospitals in Cambodia. If something serious happens, you have to go to Thailand for medical care.

We waited and waited and I considered reaching throug the internet and strangling him.
If he wasn't hurt from the wreck, he would be hurt by my hand!

Thirty minutes later we received this:

Good evening!

Well, I hope all is well with everyone and that everyone had a good Valentine's day.....

Like I said, I had a little moto accident - but I was just kidding about not having anything to say! Haha, you know me too well! But last Thursday while riding home with our groceries, we had one ast stop at the bakery. Well in Cambodia, nobody stops, and when they want to turn left, they get in the right lane and then cross the whole road at once. Coming from a country of order, when we want to turn left, we get toward the middle of the road and watch for an opening in oncoming traffic. Well, I got in the middle and as I went to turn left, with my hand signaling that I'm turning, a moto comes from behind me on the left (he's in the oncoming traffic lane going the wrong direction) and catches my front tire. They grind together for a few seconds and finally my bike gives in, kicking me off the back and flying out from under me. The stupid startled teenagers drive off - as you are supposed to do in Cambodia. It was quite miraculous because I landed right on my butt and then rolled over onto my backpack - didn't get scraped up at all. Nothing got scratched - just a bent front fender on my bike. I was SUPER sore the following two days, but it didn't slow me down - I have places to go and people to see! But I was pretty darn sore for awhile! So that was my miraculous moto-bike accident - nothing broke - not even the groceries!......

He goes on to tell another "hilarious" story where some kindly strangers came up and asked if they were Mormons. When they replied yes, the man took out a rock and threw it at Trammell.

Aren't these stories so fun, funny, entertaining, faith promoting? ;)
Anyway, he's alive!
Love those Tuesday night emails!!!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Things I DON'T Need: Organic clothing, Pedals and an Amplifier

Yea for the long weekend!
The kids had a 4-Day Weekend!
They get today off too!

It's time for RaNDoM! You know you want to play!

Get on over to Keely's: The Unmom and link up!

Yesterday, the Boneheads arose at high noon.
Their task was to shovel the driveway.
Do they not know that it is February and it is 16 degrees?

Valentine's Day pretty much rocked!

We went to church.
We took a TWO HOUR nap that was more like being in a coma!
I received a 4 pack of assorted cupcakes from a cupcake bakery,
a cute t-shirt from the cupcake bakery
2 pounds of hand selected chocolates from Sees Candy,
and some cute things I bought myself - just in case.

For dinner, we mixed up our holidays.
The boys wanted corned beef and cabbage ala St. Patrick's Day and I was happy to oblige.

I wanted to put the crock pot out on the deck so the house wouldn't smell like cabbage, but it was too snowy.

I stuck the crock pot in the laundry room.
It's Tuesday and the laundry room still smells like corned beef.

I keep going in there to smell it.

Why does my office look like this?

That is not my violin or amp or pedals. Garrett is up to something. Who had the GREAT idea to mic up his violin???? I knew I would rue the day!

If you have a spare seven minutes of your life that you don't mind never getting back -

you can see the world famous talent show production:

When my one true love was buying me cupcakes,

he also bought me this shirt
When he was leaving the store, he thought, "wait a minute....I just paid a lot of money for 4 cupcakes and a t-shirt. Hmmm....." So he asked the lady how much the t-shirt was.


He asked, "$28 for a T-shirt?"

She replied, "It's organic."

For $28 it should be orgasmic.

Have a great Tuesday!

Maybe I Should Get a Manlier Notepad!

I came in the kitchen a couple of weeks ago and THIS note was on the counter.
I don't know why I found it so hilarious - maybe it is the "firm" writing on the cute snowman paper.

Sunday, February 14, 2010


I hope everyone has a wonderful day spent with family, friends and loved ones.
It's not really all about chocolate and flowers...................
There are lot more ways to express your love.

Show some love today

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Saturday is a SPECIAL Day

Today, we are going here -

with -
Can't ask for a better day!

Friday, February 12, 2010


Please tell me it's Friday!
I NEED a four day weekend.
There is NO SCHOOL Monday or Tuesday.  Yippee!

I'm feeling a little I'm playing along with Half-Past Kissing Time.
So if this doesn't make any sense, it's because IT DOESN'T HAVE TO!

* I went to the car wash Wednesday.  An hour later, when I got in my car to go get Parker from school, I thought "something" looked "off."
Parker was in the car all of 3 seconds when he asked, "What happened to your windshield wipers?"
Ahhhh - that's what's wrong!
Yeah - the car wash RIPPED them off.
THAT was fun.
Had to call the car wash and then go to the car wash and file a claim.
Very convenient.

* Have you ever done surgery on yourself?
I'm considering it.
I have a small body part that is KILLING me and I'm thinking of ripping it out!

* Tonight is a party at church.
It's a chili cook-off.
It's called the "Heartburn Hoe-down."
I'm a little wary of going to anything call a Hoe Down.
I'm wary of Hoes.
But I admit that I am curious to see who the Hoes at church are. I one if I go?
What should I wear?  Cowboy clothes or..........
Every time I hear "hoe-down," I think of security at the high school:
Speaking into his little walkie talkie on his shoulder - "This is Mike.  I'm in the commons.  I have a hoe down in the cafeteria, send me the nurse."
Wow - what is wrong with me?

* A storm is coming this weekend.
I might need wind shield wipers.
I went to the place that installed the originals -that got torn off by the car wash.
I explained what happened and asked if I could buy new ones.
This is really an autoglass place.  They sold me these windshield wiper blades when they repaired my windshield in November.
They replaced them and gave me two cans of glass cleaner for FREE.
I love those people.
They made my day at 8 am!

* I need to go back to bed.
I think I will go buy myself a Valentine present instead
and then I will make chili.

Happy Friday!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Injury That Traumatized Me for LIFE

I'm sharing today because this singular event shaped the entire rest of my life it's Writer's Workshop over at Mama Kat's and this was one of the prompts: "Tell us about that scar!"

This is going to be a little difficult because I have forgotten some of the details.

If you are squeamish, don't look.
Do you see the disfiguring scar?  Right there!  That red gash mark in the middle of the picture.  It used to be right on the bridge of my nose.  Now that it's about 3/4" down from the bridge, we can tell how I've aged, or how much my nose has grown in 30 years - either one.

I was 11ish which would make my brother 8ish or at least old enough to know better.
We had just gotten home from school, at least I had.
I had gone in and put my books away, cleaned out my thermos, and offered to help my mom with the little boys.
My dawdling brother was out in the backyard still - daydreaming about being a super hero.

I went outside to taunt him and tell him that Mom said we had to come in and get ready to go to Primary.
Oh I can see it.
I was standing on the back porch - it was a covered raised cement with a beautiful indor/outdoor carpet.  It was huge and perfect for paying "Little House on the Prairie".......where I would play all the good parts like Mary and Nellie and my minions would play the lesser roles.
But anyway.
I stood at the porch and told my brother that he had to HURRY!
"Mom said to get in here right now!"
But I wouldn't let him step up on the porch.
He wouln't come.
I might have said "Nah, nah, nah, nah , nah." but that would be out of context with "Come on, my wonderful, favorite, charming brother."
So I probably didn't say that.

Anyway, he grew frusrated.  Not as frustrated as the time he actually reached the porch, but once again, ahead of him, I locked him out and he wet his pants in the 17 degree weather.  You should have seen the steam coming off that carpet.

So - he's frustrated and he's looking for ways to get onto the porch.
As he sweeps the area, looking for ways to dodge me and enter from a different angle,
he sees this
an old Wild Wild West lunchbox cast off to rust away in the yard.  That old thing was from 1969 and it was so yesterday.
But he lit on an idea.  He picked up the rusty lunchbox with the lid hanging half off,  He tore off the lid and held it up like a Frisbee.
"Quit teasing me, or I will throw this at you."
Maybe here is where I said, "Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah."
But the next thing I knew, WHACK, it hit me right on the bridge of my nose-about a hair's width from putting my eye out.

I ran bloodied and screaming into the house.
I don't remember what happened after that because obviously, I have suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since then.  I'm still trying to put it behind me.
People don't even notice it ask me about THAT SCAR all the time.
My brother and I regale everyone with the our own versions the story.

I should have sued him!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

What the Heck Wednesday

I had plans.
Oh I had plans.
But I'm not feeling well and I'm fuzzy headed.
I can't think.

And this is the second day in a row of feeling like I'm on some kind of drugs and all I've taken is two ibuprofen. Hey, maybe I accidentally took Brian's Lipitor.
THAT would explain a lot!

So I was going to get up and upload the video of last night's performance and entertain you.
But I couldn't upload it on Blogger.
I couldn't upload it to YouTube.
I'd like to say it's because of my fuzzy-headedness, but it also might be because I am completely techno-challenged.
I will replay THIS phone conversation for you:
ME: "Hi, I'd like to get a refill on a prescription for my husband but I have new insurance information as well."

Lady at Mail Order Prescription Place: "Ohhhhh........I will have to forward you to the new insurance information department."

Me: "Okay. Thank you."

New Lady: "Good morning.  How can  help you?

Me: "I would like to order a refill for my husband but I have new insurance information."

New Lady: "Okay, do you have his prescription number?"

Me: "Yes, I do. I also have new prescription insurance information for you." (Because I am sooo organized.)

Lady: "Okay, go ahead and give me the prescription number."

Me: "123456789"

Lady: "Thank you. Oh I already have your new insurance information."

Me: I'm wondering how they got that information, they could be siphoning off my social security, but really, what do I care? "Okay, great!"

Stupid Lady: "Ohhhhhh...this requires pre-authorization. Has he ever taken this drug before."

Me: "Uh, yes, that's why I'm calling for a REFILL."

Stupid Lady: "Mmmmm...... so he has taken this before."

Me: "Yes"

Stupid Lady: "I'm going to have to send you to the Preauthorization department. They'll need the doctor's name and phone number."

Next Stupid Lady: "How can I help you?"
Me: Really? Do I have to repeat everything? "Yes, I'd like to refill prescription 123456789."

Stupid Lady: "Mmmmmhmmm....ohhhhh...that needs preauthorization."

Me: "I don't get it. It's for Lipitor. It's not for crack cocaine."

Stupid Lady: She doesn't think it's funny....not one bit. "Well this is for a 90 day supply and he takes one a day and if it's for more than a 60 day supply, he needs prior authorization."

Me: "Really? What do you think he's going to do with it? Sell it on the street to Lipitor addicts? What's the street value?"

Stupid Lady: "Does he have any now or will he buying any out of pocket?"

Me: "Where would he buy it?  On the street corner?  We're tallking about cholesterol medicine. Do you think he's going to take a handful and try to commit sucide?"

Stupid Lady:  She drops that line of questionng. "What is the doctor's name?"

Me: "Dr. Williams."

Stupid Lady: "What is his first name?"

Me: "I don't know. It's not printed on this prescription bottle."

Stupid Lady: "Well, I need his first name."

Me: "Wait, I'll try looking it up on the internet." How many Dr. Williams can there be? Plenty.  But I persevere. "Oh it's Andrew."

Stupid Lady: "Yes, and can you verify his address?"

Me: Wait. What? Verify? You mean you've been freaking staring at this information on the computer screen and this is just to test me? I verify the street address: "123 North Main Street."

Stupid Lady: She is unsatisifed.  "And what is the city, state and zip code?"

Me:  I give it to her....guessing at the zip.  Evidently, I guessed right.

Stupid Lady: "I need you to give me his fax number."

Me: "I don't have his fax number. How would I have his fax number?"

Stupid Lady: "Fine. I'll guess I can look it up. Okay, I'll fax them a form and wait for them to fax me back and then we can process it."

I don't trust this system.
I get her phone number and the case number so I can call the doctor's office and have them just call and preauthorize the meth Lipitor. 

I call the doctor's office and get the following recording:
Thank you for calling Dr. Williams, Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones.
If you are a doctor calling about a patient, please press 1.
If you are calling about a refill, please hang up and call your pharmacist.
If you are a patient and need to schedule an appointment please dial 2.

I'm dialing 2.
I already went the "call your pharmacist" route.

Nice, innocent receptionist: "Dr. Williams, Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, how can I help you?"
Me: "Yes, I just got off the phone with my mail order pharmacy and they need pre-authorization to refill my husband's crack cocaine."
Me: "It's really just Lipitor, but they think it's some kind of class 4 controlled substance."
Nice lady luckily laughs instead of forwarding me to the police.
She quickly and efficiently takes care of everything.

No wonder I am fuzzy headed.