Exercise will kill you! It's an all around bad idea. Here's some reasons you shouldn't do it!

1) It takes up valuable time!

You could be doing something important or something you really like.........like eating cookies and drinking an ice cold coke while reading the paper.

2) You'll need a whole new wardrobe!

When I worked out for three months, I had to buy the first pair of tennis shoes I've owned in 20 years. I went to the sporting good store and here is the conversation:

Me: "Hi, I need a pair of tennis shoes."

Salesguy: "Sure. Now tell me what kind you are looking for?

Me: "Oh well, the most important thing is that they are cute. Yeah! So I guess they have to be pink."

I got the cutest pair of tennis shoes with pink on them..........but since I don't work out anymore, I don't know where they are.

And of course I had to buy the pink Under Armor and cute pants, and cute shorts, and a cute jacket for cold days.

3) You'll sweat!

There is nothing worse than getting sweaty. Then you have to take another shower! Or if you think you are so smart and you are going to postpone your shower until after you've worked out..............think about this! You don't actually hit the shower til noon. The day is 1/2 over and you are just now getting dressed.

4) You for sure will get hurt and need surgery

It's true. Everyone I know who exercises tears something...........and it's not just their spandex. Your knees, shoulders, wrists and ankles are just not supposed to be used like that. You exercisers use them up! Next time you see someone with a cast or crutches or brace, ask them how the got hurt. I guarantee that they didn't get injured watching TV or shopping at the mall or at lunch with friends. It just doesn't happen. Oh and look at Lance Armstrong. Riding his bike all the time caused cancer.

5) 100% of people who exercise DIE

You've heard the stories. You've read them in the newspaper. "Young athlete runs for the touchdown and drops dead on the 1 yard line." You all know people (I should say you used to know someone) who played basketball every week at the church..............until he dropped over from a heart attack. That's a chance I'm not willing to take.

Yes, exercise kills. You only have so many heart beats. I'm saving mine.