A lot of parents complain that their teenagers are uncommunicative. Not a problem around here.
Here are a few of this week's conversations -
Bonehead #1 comes in from a strenuous workout after school and plops his sweaty/hairy body on my leather couch. I'm trying to control my gag reflex.
Bonehead: "What's for dinner? Will you make me some shrimp?"
Bonehead: "How about some King Crab Legs."
Me: "No" (Like we just happen to have crab legs lying around!?!)
Bonehead: "A protein shake?"
I leave the room
Bonehead has all A's. Being the encouraging mother, I'm pushing for higher A's. You know - you want a little cushion going into finals. A 93% won't do. You should get it up to a 96%, just in case.
Me: "Hey I just checked Powerschool. Your grades have gone up! Great job."
Bonehead #2: "Oh yeah. You can thank Call of Duty!"
Me: "Shut up."
Bonehead #2 "No seriously, video games make my school work improve. I want to get my homework done right away so I can play them."
I leave the room.
We were doing some Christmas shopping at the Outlet Mall on Black Friday. The boys were getting to the end of their rope.
Bonehead #1 "Hey can we go into Claires? I need to get those magnetic earrings."
Me: Sarcastically - well everything I say is said sarcastically: "Oh sure!"
Bonehead #1: "Cool. Let's go!"
Me: "Shut up."
Bonehead #1: "Uhhh....you never said we couldn't get magnetic earrings."
Bonehead #2 backing up #1: "It's true! You said that if we got our ears pierced, you'd rip the earring right out. You didn't say we couldn't get magnetic earrings."
Me: "Right. Okay. If you get magnetic earrings, I'll kick you in the head."
Bonehead #1: "Wow....really...."
Me: "Yeah, I'll kick you in the head."
Then I walked further ahead to get away from them.
Hot Parenting Tip:
Teenagers are VERY sensitive........and easily embarrassed around their friends.
Be careful what you say. You don't want to embarrass them or offend anyone.
I walked down into the basement where Bonehead #1 and his friend in an extremely competitive game of fooseball.
Me: Opening the cupboard where the trash can is and inhaling, "Ewww......this basement smells like Old Taco Bell or one of you has B.O."
Both of them stop playing, pull their shirts out and sniff their arm pits.
Bonehead #1: "Not me!"
Friend: "Nope me either."
Lesson learned: Don't try to communicate with teenagers.