Thursday, November 12, 2009

"BUTT Mom!"

Today, I'm reliving part (the best part - cuz someone else gets in trouble) of my childhood.
It's Writer's Workshop with Mama Kat and you can play along too!
Go over and see her and pick a writing prompt!

I've selected #1: Describe the best/most creative punishment you have ever given your children or received yourself. 

I personally, have never done anything wrong so.....I can't write about a punishment I have received.  And if you've stalked visited here much, you KNOW my kids have NEVER done anything worthy of punishment. 

So I'm remembering a punishment my hellion angelic brothers received.  It was brilliant!

My brothers were about 3 and 5 and entertaining themselves while my mother was involved in some kind of church service.  Giggling ensued.  And then they became hysterical.  This fit drew my mother's attention and she asked what they were doing.  Dropping their pens and shoving paper behind their back, they gave the standard answer you give moms: "Nothing."

"Come here" she commanded.  They did - empty handed.  "Go get the paper."  Sheepishly, they brought the papers to her.

"What is this?"

Thinking quickly, my brother answered, "Beetles."  My other dumber brother nodded in agreement. 

"Beetles?"  my mother responded.  My mom was brilliant.  She was never going to be taken in by a 3 and 5 year old.  Plus, I think she had taken some science classes before becoming a mom and she knew that beetles had heads AND legs.

"These aren't beetles. Are you boys drawing butts?"  They couldn't really answer because they were wavering between bursting out in tears or laughter. 

Laughter won.  "Butts!  Ha! Ha!  Hee!  Hee! Butts!!!!!  Woo!  Hoo!"  The giggled uncontrollably and slapped their thighs, held their stomachs, fell to the ground and writhed in preschool ecstasy.

Except that when they caught their breath, they realized that my mom wasn't laughing with them.
She wasn't even smiling. (How she kept that straight face, I'll never know.)

"Well, since you think this is so funny and you are having so much fun," she paused and handed them a legal tablet,

you can go on in the bathroom and fill this whole tablet with butts."

My brothers looked at each other gleefully.  Wow!  What a punishment!  Mom was soooo cool!
Their laughter echoed off the bathroom walls as they drew page 1, page 2 and page 3. 
Things started quieting down around page 7.
By page 9, the youngest was selected as the scapegoat one most likely to succeed and came out to ask for a reprieve.
Mom shook her head and back into the bathroom he went.

By page 12, they were crying.
By page 15, they were calling out from their cell that they would NEVER draw butts again.
They filled that tablet.

THAT was the day that I realized my mom was a genius!  They don't teach you that stuff at Mom School. 
And my brother's were "cured."  Neither of them became medical illustrators and neither of them are really "ass men."

I've tucked that punishment away in the recesses of my mind, just waiting for a single off-color illustration.  Alas, my own children are 20, 18, and 15 and they haven't turned in any butt, boob or penis drawing.  Dang!


B said...

LOVE IT!!! Yes, you mom IS a genius!

Yara said...

Your mom is a genius... I'm saving this in case I ever have to use it.

Raven said...

That is hilarious! And she is a genious!

Crystal Turner said...

I think I am going to tuck this punishment away for future reference!! With 2 "artistic" boys, I'm sure it will come in handy!! Your mom is a genius!!

Dan said...

A mom with a deep understanding of the mindset of youngsters.

Fortunately the Son is well past that age - if he wishes to see or draw butts, he'll have to do it like any other college kid - visit the bar.

valerie said...

Ha Ha Ha! Love your mom!

Lourie said...

That is sheer genius! And I am clueless as to how she kept a straight face too!

marfmom said...

I'll have to remember this one!

smarkuci said...

J is sleeping, so i'll have to ask him if he remembers living through that one. i was laughing aloud reading it. but what i really want to know is: is that a notebook page butt original?! ---SM

MM said...

Unfortunately, the older stupid brother wasn't quite cured, as I have caught him on a few occasions drawing butts and/or writing poo poo, pee pee, weenie, fart fart during church in an attempt to entertain his daughters. The girls will even request that he draw beetles sometimes (the butt species of beetle).

Missty said...

Your mom rocks!!

Margaret aka: Fact Woman said...

Your mom is hilarious. I love her even more now. Too bad your boys never did anything like that. :(

Kirsten said...

Oh, that had me laughing out loud!

kys said...

Your mom was gooooood!

Mama Kat said...

That's it...I'm locking the girls in the bathroom to draw butts today too. Just for my own sick pleasure. :) Thanks mom!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Oh yeah, your mom is definitely brilliant!