Bittersweet

Today is one of those bittersweet days..........you love em and you hate em. They bring out so many emotions and a lot of tears.

It really started Friday afternoon. I heard some stupid old (as in at LEAST 3 years) hip hop song on the radio. It was from "back in the day" before every song was about sex and strippers. It wasn't a favorite song or a meaningful song. It just took me back a few years to when Trammell was a junior. And of course, I started crying. As I drove through the neighborhood, I reflected on how happy I am that he is serving a mission. I'm so happy that he is so happy. I couldn't ask for more! But I miss his easy smile, his sense of humor, his rational and reasonable approach to life, his testimony, and his friendship.
So having a son on a mission is bittersweet.

Saturday we went to the BYU game. There was a combination of nostalgia and hope for the future. I reflected on the fun and not so fun times I had during my own four years at BYU.........all the things I learned, the friends made, the experiences, etc. And then I thought about the future of my own children as they make their way out of the nest and attempt flight. I hope it will more smooth than painful. I hope they will experience more joy than sorrow.

Being at the Air Force Academy and seeing all the cadets, the flyover, hearing the national anthem made me tear up. I wish I had my sunglasses on. I'm a crybaby this weekend. How can fighter jets flying overhead make me cry? I really am a patriotic person. I am so thankful to live in this country. I am so thankful to all those who serve in any branch of the military and serve in any capacity. I am impressed and filled with automatic love for the cadets who commit and sacrifice for us.

And now it's Sunday: just hours before probably one of the highlights and most bittersweet days so far in our lives. (I know there will be plenty more) And I have to pull it together: weep now so that I can be composed later. Brian is being released as singles ward bishop. We've know for 6 months that this day is coming. He announced it to his ward 2 weeks ago. He's met with the new bishop 3 times. It's not a surprise. But I feel his pain.

Singles Ward Bishops traditionally serve for 3 years. He served for 4 1/2 (longer to get attached!). We attended our 84th wedding a couple of weeks ago and there are 7 more on the books between now and January 1st. Hundreds of people have passed through the ward and left on missions, to go to school, in pursuit of a job or graduated by marriage. These "kids" have been examples of faith, acceptance, Christ like love, willingness to serve, hard work, friendship, and have stood as a testimony to our family. (Okay, and some were examples of what NOT to do..........and that has a place too!)

I will miss the quiet solitude of taking the sacrament where the only sound was the air condtioner. I will miss the pure testimony of the atonement born each fast day. I will miss the infectious enthusiasm and love of life. I will miss going to the temple with those who were receiving their endowments and those who were being sealed. If I will miss all these things, I cannot begin to imagine how Brian feels.

Seriously, I have got to pull myself together!