Sunday, November 16, 2008

Bittersweet

Today is one of those bittersweet days..........you love em and you hate em. They bring out so many emotions and a lot of tears.

It really started Friday afternoon. I heard some stupid old (as in at LEAST 3 years) hip hop song on the radio. It was from "back in the day" before every song was about sex and strippers. It wasn't a favorite song or a meaningful song. It just took me back a few years to when Trammell was a junior. And of course, I started crying. As I drove through the neighborhood, I reflected on how happy I am that he is serving a mission. I'm so happy that he is so happy. I couldn't ask for more! But I miss his easy smile, his sense of humor, his rational and reasonable approach to life, his testimony, and his friendship.
So having a son on a mission is bittersweet.

Saturday we went to the BYU game. There was a combination of nostalgia and hope for the future. I reflected on the fun and not so fun times I had during my own four years at BYU.........all the things I learned, the friends made, the experiences, etc. And then I thought about the future of my own children as they make their way out of the nest and attempt flight. I hope it will more smooth than painful. I hope they will experience more joy than sorrow.

Being at the Air Force Academy and seeing all the cadets, the flyover, hearing the national anthem made me tear up. I wish I had my sunglasses on. I'm a crybaby this weekend. How can fighter jets flying overhead make me cry? I really am a patriotic person. I am so thankful to live in this country. I am so thankful to all those who serve in any branch of the military and serve in any capacity. I am impressed and filled with automatic love for the cadets who commit and sacrifice for us.

And now it's Sunday: just hours before probably one of the highlights and most bittersweet days so far in our lives. (I know there will be plenty more) And I have to pull it together: weep now so that I can be composed later. Brian is being released as singles ward bishop. We've know for 6 months that this day is coming. He announced it to his ward 2 weeks ago. He's met with the new bishop 3 times. It's not a surprise. But I feel his pain.

Singles Ward Bishops traditionally serve for 3 years. He served for 4 1/2 (longer to get attached!). We attended our 84th wedding a couple of weeks ago and there are 7 more on the books between now and January 1st. Hundreds of people have passed through the ward and left on missions, to go to school, in pursuit of a job or graduated by marriage. These "kids" have been examples of faith, acceptance, Christ like love, willingness to serve, hard work, friendship, and have stood as a testimony to our family. (Okay, and some were examples of what NOT to do..........and that has a place too!)

I will miss the quiet solitude of taking the sacrament where the only sound was the air condtioner. I will miss the pure testimony of the atonement born each fast day. I will miss the infectious enthusiasm and love of life. I will miss going to the temple with those who were receiving their endowments and those who were being sealed. If I will miss all these things, I cannot begin to imagine how Brian feels.

Seriously, I have got to pull myself together!

3 comments:

missty said...

Aww, Gina. (((Hugs))) All that you posted is bittersweet.

valerie said...

((( Gina)))

Andrea said...

I'm sorry. It must be hard to let go of something that's been such a big part of your lives.