Help Wanted: Reliable Worker With a GOOD Attitude!

Every SINGLE day, Brian begs me to come to his office.
Sometimes he bribes me with donuts.
I always ask, "But what would I DO there?"
Sometimes he says he just wants me to hang out with him.
Sometimes he says he has so many projects he can't begin to list them.


Sometimes, I AM helpful - remember when I copied all those documents but then stapled my finger and got blood all over said documents and had to recopy them?
If THAT'S not helpful, I don't know what is.


I showed up at his office the other day.
Brian: "So.........do you want to go shopping?"
Shopping? 
Normally, I would jump at the chance.
But this totally sounded like a trap.


Me: "No."


Brian: "You could go to Costco for us."


Me: hesitating, "What do you need?"
Brian: "Well we need some of those floor mats that you put under your office chair so it will roll smoothly."

Me: "Nope.  I can't get those.  They are too heavy.  Plus they have poky things that stab you.  What else do you need?"


Brian: "We can always use paper and water."

Me: "Nope.  Those are too heavy.  I can't lift them and I'll break my nails.  Do you need anything small and lightweight.......like M&M's?"

See!  I am SOOOO helpful!
Who WOULDN'T want to hire me?