MOMMY MATH - It Doesn't Always Add Up!

Some equations just can't be solved

Like this one at 5:30 in the MORNING:

+

+

=    BREAKFAST  WHAT?

Whose kids are these?

That's What HE Said.... Conversations with a BONEHEAD BROTHER

Garrett came home from work and spent the rest of the day speaking in a Middle Eastern accent.
Even when he was speaking to me in Spanish.



Why would I ever pay for entertainment when I have this?




G: “Mom, isn’t it true that people are trying to make pole dancing an Olympic sport?”


Me: “Uh no!”


G- “No seriously. You should know this. You see the news.”


Me: “I’m looking it up.”


G- “You should.”


He’s right. There was a big movement about year ago unfortunately it died out.
I'm not sure why we care.




G- “I’m making Kool Aid. I need like 4 cups of sugar, right?”


P: Guffawing


Me: “What?  It's ONE cup of sugar.  You know that!"


G “No I’m pretty sure I made it with 4 cups of sugar before.”


Me & Parker – “You did not.”


G: “Yeah, I think I did.”


Me: “No it would be like syrupy.”


G: “Yeah I think I did, why do you think the sugar is so low in here. I think I did and it was good.”






G: “I just texted my entire phone book and said, “hey everybody, BIG party tonight 7:30 -10:30 pm, Live DJ, $20 with activity fee, 25000 S. Arapahoe Road.” <- that’s the school address


Me: “You did not.”


G: “Yeah I did. Watch. It’s funny.”


Me: "If one person shows up here, I will kill you."


G: "People send party texts all the time. They get forwarded and forwarded over and over. That’s why I put the address."


Me: "You’re an idiot."


G: "See! People are texting back! This girl just asked where the party was. I told her at the corner of Liverpool and Arapahoe. A boy just texted and said, ‘I’ll come for awhile but then I’m going to the dance.’ And some other kid just texted, “Is this instead of the Homecoming dance?”


Who is dumber? The person who sent the text or the idiots responding?






Me: "Garrett, are you getting a haircut for Homecoming or are you leaving it long?"


Garrett: "I’m leaving it this length. It’s driving me crazy because it is too long, but THEY want me to spike it up. THEY think it looks good long and spiked."


Me: "Please tell me you are going to shave."


Garrett: "Oh, I’m going to trim up the sideburns and shave the mustache, but THEY said I should leave this (stoking his goateeish beard.)"


Me: "What is this? Grooming by committee? Who is THEY?"


Garrett: (looking at me like “Duh! Are you a complete idiot?”) "The CHEERLEADERS."


So, now we know what they were doing at the football game Friday when they weren’t watching the Homecoming Game and cheering their team on, I guess they were discussing Garrett’s Homecoming coiffure.

Well, that was one day of random conversations.  That's enough.

STALKERS, WOODPECKERS, PRIMARY PROGRAMS & Other Stuff I Don't Like

It's RTT - RANDOM THOUGHT TUESDAY.

Pull up a chair and read my nonsensical babble.
Then go visit Keely at The Unmom, grab her button and just let the words flow!

* Phew!  We survived Homecoming Week!
It was CRAZY!

* I don't like stalkers.
My son has a stalker. She comes and goes.
Things will die down for awhile and then ramp up again.


She's not really dangerous - more mentally unbalanced.
But I wish I had saved all of her text messages and pictures of things she has painted on his car and I would turn them all in to the police and it would be enough to get a restraining order.


* Remember the squirrel on my roof?
I like him..
I don't like the woodpeckers who come to peck at the stucco of my bedroom wall though.

They aren't even the pretty ones with bright red feathers.
They are ugly woodpeckers.
I hate them.



* I know a lot of people who do not like to attend church on Mothers' Day.
You know what day I don't like?
Primary Program Sunday.
The Primary Presidency does a great job.
The music people are wonderful.
The kids are cute...........kind of.
I don't hate it, I just don't love it.



* The sun has been out and it's tricking me.
It looks warm.
But when I go outside, it's 32.
Not warm.



* For the last few days,
Phnom Penh Cambodia's temperature is more than double ours.
Right now, it's 36 here and 82 in Cambodia.
It's also 8 am here and 9 pm there.

*I don't "get" Canadian Thanksgiving.
What are they thankful for?
America?
Canadian bacon?
Health Care?
I'm going to go look it up on Wikipedia.
Wikipedia knows everything.

* I HAVE to make my bed.
I cannot leave the house with the bed unmade.......except for Sunday.
I don't make the bed on Sunday

EVERYBODY LOVES A PARADE!

Yippee for the parade!
It was supposed to be on Thursday after school and before the bonfire.  For some strange reason, no one wanted to be in a parade in 27 degree sleet.  Where is their sense of adventure?

So the parade was Friday after school.  And then all the floats were taken to the football stadium so people could see them up close and in person.

The Flag Boys lead the parade (well the police cars lead it so traffic stops and no one gets killed).

The flag boys are followed by the marching band, the poms and cheers, sports teams and then clubs and THEN - the floats!  Oh and the theme of Homecoming was "African Adventure."  All the floats have to go with the theme and each class is actually assigned an animal.

Sophomore Float

Senior Float

Junior Float

(Okay not great of the float.  I had to steal it from someone's Facebook)

I don't even have a picture of the freshman float.  Sorry!

But after 1,000's of manhours, and 1,000's of colored napkins and much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, the judges decided the winners.  The moment we've all been waiting for:

1st Place:

And 2nd Place:

Good work boys!  You rock! 

FRIDAY FIELD TRIP: WHY I NEVER GET AHEAD

It's Saturday!  I forgot to blog about my Friday Fieldtrip!  Except that the fieldtrip wasn't on Friday.  I went on a little fieldtrip on Monday (before the week got completely out of control).

I had signed up a few weeks ago to go to the church's cannery for some humanatarian canning.  They were canning tomato soup for a charitable organization - I don't know which one.  It might have been for Catholic Charities or for Food Bank of the Rockies.  I don't know.

All I know is that it was tomato soup and it wasn't for me.  Which is good because I HATE tomato soup.

So chalk up an extra service point for going to the cannery to can something barfy!  Oops, minus the point for bragging about it.

So, when you go to the cannery, you definitely don't want to wear anything cute.  And you should probably wait until AFTER to shower!  The first thing you do when you get there is put on aprons, gloves and way cute hairnets.  Everyone looks so awesome.  A hairnet is a real equalizer.

Chalk up a service point for decutifying for the day and not caring!

I always go with such a happy, sharing, generous feeling in my heart. I'm so full of love with for the other strangers that are also helping in the cannery.
Oooo chalk up another point!

Then we get our assignments.
I got a cool assignment.
I got to hold a gun/squirter thing attached to a long hose that runs into a huge cat.
You squeexe the trigger and squirt tomato soup into the cans on a moving conveyor.

It only takes you about 1,000 cans to figure out the right amount of pressure to apply to the trigger.  And by then, you are down to the end of the vat and the air bubbles cause the whole srpray hose to act unpredictably
Meanwhile you squirted the entire conveyor with hot molten tomato soup.
Luckily, you have back up.  There is a "partner" standing next to you and he fills the cans that you underfilled or fills the empty cans that got by you while you were spazzing out.

When I was the lead filler person, My partner was BUSY!
When I was the back up person, it was pretty boring........not boring enough to leave my station and go to the bathroom, but boring enough to look up and see other people standing around chatting or pretending to be busy. Darn!  Minus a point for judging my neighbor and being a hater.

Chalk up a point for saying "Oh it's okay!  Don't worry about it!" when the hose bucked and my partner accidentally gave me a tomato soup acid peel.

I think I should get a point because if you don't especially like tomato soup, standing between 4 swirling vats of it and pouring it into cans is an extra sacrifice.  But then, maybe I should minus a point because I just said it was a sacrifice.

Anyway, we went through TWO pallets of #10 cans of tomato paste.  We made 19 vats of tomato soup.  I can't tell you how many cans of soup we made.

We squirted tomato soup into cans, on the conveyor, on our shoes and all over the floor for four hours!
My favorite part is when we finish and it's time to clean up.

Some people figure - we're done and they strip off their garb and make excuses for how busy they are and leave. Dang it, I just lost every service point I ever earned with my whining!

Luckily, the other half of us aren't even remotely busy and we can use high pressure hoses to squirt everything down with 200 degree water.  Combined with my tomato soup acid peel, I now get a warm facial in a sauna!

By the time I leave, I am exhausted.  I must be a total wimp.  I don't know how Lucy and Ethel or Laverne and Shirley ever worked in a factory.  I could never do it.  For a half a shift, it's really fun, but so tiring.

BURN BABY! BURN!

If there is one thing that we Coxes are good at, it's burning things.  We're good at wrecking things in general, but destruction by fire is kind of a family legacy!

2009 Homecoming Bonfire -

Before:

Let's get this party started!

That's what I'm talking about!!!!

It took about 20 minutes to get the fire lit.  Only the firemen are allowed to light it and the kids are not allowed to use an accelerants when building the fire. 

I wonder why?  Could it be that when Trammell was the Bonfire Chairman, they did used a little gasoline to ensure a quick start and the principal lit the fire and singed off his eyebrows and arm hair?  Sometimes adults ruin all the fun!

PS - Come back for parade pictures.  It's going to be a long day in Crazyville.  Some children came home from finishing their floats at 2 am to START homework.  A certain child is missing 3rd period today.  Is he missing it to come home and sleep?  Is he missing it to finish the homework he didn't get done? Nope.  He's going to attach the rest of the branches to the tree.  Evidently, the tree is too big to assemble in the garage that the float is housed in. And we have our priorities.

WINNING IS SO HARD!

Ta da!  I won the "One Lovely Blog" Award because if my blog is nothing else...........it is lovely.

Can I change lovely to cute?  Because cute is what is important!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to Mom Outnumbered for bestowing the lovely award on me.

This award IS lovely because I don't have to tell you anything you don't know about me, or my three most embarrasing moments or list things I like in alphabetical order.  I just get to win!

But winning is hard!  I am now supposed to name 15 blogs that are lovely.  Well...........there are lots of lovely blogs, but I just don't know that I can come up with 15.  How about 7? or 5? or 3? 

Oh okay!  We'll pass the "One Lovely Blog" award on to some other wonderful blogs.

Don't forget the heavy responsibilities that come with the award:

1) Accept the award by acknowledging who bestowed it upon you - that would be ME!

2) Send me cupcakes!

3) Bestow the award on 15 of your own bloggy friends.

4) Tell your friends so they can pass it on

So in no particular order - except alphabetical -

Facts from a Fact Woman - She has awesome tips and recipes and ideas!

Happy Thought Indeed - I'll be honest.  The name of her blog just makes me smile - every time!

The Howell Herald - She deserves an award.  Her family had the Swine Flu.  And stories of her girls make me laugh!

Life is a Pitch - This girl BLOGS!  Seriously, she can post 3-4 events a day with picture proof!

Life is Good - Between funny emails and links she passes on and her own adventures, she entertains me.  She also has a cool cooking blog.

So check these girls out!