Thursday, October 1, 2009

WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION: Phones, a Lifesaver, & a Ski Pole

In the house that I grew up in, we were not allowed to call each other names, belittle each other or fight..........when my mom was around.  So we had to wait until she left for a church meeting or something.  then we could drag out all the hurts from last Monday and duke it out.

As a result, we rarely fought.
That is shy I remember this particlular doozie!

Looking back, I behaved soooo immaturely; it's almost embarrassing.
Luckily, I couldn't have been more than 8 or 9.

I don't know what started the argument.
My little brother says I threw a phone at him.

On further reflection, how could I throw a phone?  You all remember the late 70's.  All phones were tethered to the wall.  So, if I threw the phone, all he had to do was jump 15 feet out of the way.  It couldn't have had more than a 10 foot cord.

Chasing ensued.  When we are being chased, why do we always run into some dead end room?
I ran to my bedroom.

The next thing I know,
I was lying on my back on my yellow shag carpet.
My brother had me pinned and was taunting me menacingly.
He leaned over me and gathered up a gob of spit in his mouth.
He let it slowly come out of his mouth in a narrow slimy string and drop down to just above my face and then sslllluurrpppp it back up and cackle.

Don't you hate him?

Luckily, I had a wintergreen lifesave in my mouth.

With all of my power,
I spit the lifesaver out of my mouth up toward his taunting face.
It went right to the tip of his nose
and then plopped back down onto the side of my cheek.

He was in such hysterics over my failed spitting attempt that it gave me the chance to roll out from under him and run.
I was furious and rightly so.
Who cares that I can't remember what he initially did to make me mad.
But it's pretty obvious that now, he deserves to die.

I ran to who knows where and grabbed the first logical weapon I could find:

A chase ensued- up and down flights of stairs, through the dining room, family room, and kitchen.

As I manically ran up to the top of the stairs with the ski pole high above my head like a dagger,
my date walked in (okay so maybe I wasn't 8 or 9).

Like a completely sane person, my date dared to ask,
"Gina what are you doing?"

"I hate him!  I'm going to kill him!" Duh!

And then in the same rational voice he still uses with me today,
he said, "Gina, put down the ski pole or we're not going out."

"I DON'T CARE! I'm killing him."  That should have been his clue to turn around, go back downstairs, get in his Camaro and never return.

He stayed.
Exhausted from trying to aim that lifesaver and run up and down the stairs,
I gave up on inflicting death.

We went on the date.
We got married.
My brother is still alive.
He lives two doors away.
We are very close.
Sometimes I still want to kill him.

This was an answer to prompt #3 at Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop "Tell about your childhood home."  It has nothing to do with the other part of prompt #3 "What are you feeling guilty about."  But you knew that!


Jennifer said...

Hey, a sister has to do what a sister has to do.

kisatrtle said...

That was a great post. Thanks for sharing.

Mama Kat said...

My brother used to do that SAME spit thing to me!! It's awful isn't it!?! Boy he's lucky we didn't have ski poles laying around our house. :)

Jeanette said...

I can so relate to that post. I think anyone with siblings, especially brothers can. Love it.

The Royal Family said...

seriously thanks for the laugh, i needed it.

I punched my sister once during a game of monopoly we still don't play that game anymore. I was grounded... LOL

the buzz, Brandy

H.K. said...

This post totally cracked me up!!!! Since I was the oldest of my 4 brothers we had fist fights...I of course, won all of them and I never let them forget it!

MJ said...

brothers, can't live with or without them!!!
oh the stories I could tell involving darts, goat turds, and steps (no not all together!)

blueviolet said...

You need to do the spit thing to him now when he's not expecting it!

Margaret aka: Fact Woman said...

LOL! I can so see you doing this! I could even see you doing this with your boys instead of your brother... today!!!

Aunt Jodi said...

So that what was going on while I was at a church meeting.Mom

Jenners said...

This pretty much sounds like life with my brothers. I'm amazed your date married you though! ; )

Raven said...

It's nice that you and your bro are so close despite all that, and the fact that you still want to kill him sometimes. My bro and I aren't close at all and it's hard.

Great post!!

Jared said...

Ahhhh! I love the good old family memories. Justin once in a fueled rage chased me with a 3 foot salami stick. In the process of swinging it at me he took out a wall decoration and some Christmas wreath or something. Mom and Dad were gone somewhere so we had the house to ourselves to torment and follow our older sibling's example. Where was Brian when I was about to be hit with the salami? He always did like you better!

shadow said...

Dude! If you are going to tell a story, you have to tell the one about the "Planet of the Apes" lunch box lid in your head. Your brother (that you still want to kill) made me post this. Can you carry out your threat?