Friday, March 5, 2010

Arsenic & Old Flannel

Friday always takes me by surprise.
I'm pretty much in shock every Friday when I wake up and I am STILL alive!
I haven't decided if it's good shocking or bad shocking.
Anyway, it's time to defragment your hard drive and unload everything.
Pay a visit to Mrs. 4444s at Half-Past Kissin' Time and link up.

* I think my husband is killing me slowly with arsenic - not softly with his love.
I asked him.
He denied it.
The other night while shivering under the covers in flannel pajamas, ski socks and a hoodie, I revealed my symptoms -
"I'm ALWAYS freezing.  I can't get warm."
"Well, come on over to my side.  I'll get you warm."

I ignored this.
"I've noticed some muscle weakness.  I can't open jars as easily as I used to..."
"Yeah - you're getting old."

Enough!  He's obviously deflecting.
My other symptoms "could be" hair loss - remember all of MY hair I found in the vacuum canister while searching for the wishbone for the Operation game?
Drowsiness - I'm not so much drowsy as just plain ole exhausted.
Stomach problems - So what that I've had these for 30 years.  I'm just sayin'.
Whatever.  No one believes me but you will when I'm in a coma!

* Someone in our house has an injury.
It's private.
He's going to the doctor next week.
The paperwork came in the mail.
Does anyone else find this hilarious?
Look at this "pretty, teenage girlish" handwriting.  Did she giggle as she formed the curly "S" and perfectly round "O" in "scrotal" or did she shrink back and go "Ewwwww...."?

* My arms are kind of sore.
I can't figure out why.
It might be because I carried 4 coolers, 6 cases of pop, 4 cases of water and 80 pounds of ice into the school last night for the Lacrosse Team Potluck.
Or it might be.............arsenic poisoning.

* You know why this week was kind of not a very good week?
Besides Garrett's car being in the shop and Parker being home sick all week and me having to get up at 4:30 am to substitute for the freshman bible study class, spending seven hours on the phone trying to get plane tickets and the washing machine being broken.....
The biggest travesty was that I didn't get any donuts.  No maple cake donuts.  No wonder I'm dragging!

* I signed the hubs up for EVERY asian frequent flyer club possible this week.  Yep, he has six new usernames and passwords.  And he's a proud member of ANA, Asiana, Eva Air, Oceanic Airlines, Singapore Air.......
You know, it NEVER occurred to me to use my own name and sign myself up.  Just never occurred to me.
I think that when he gets the 38 "welcoming" and promotional emails a week, he might start poisoning with arsenic.

Have a great and wonderful weekend!


Wonderful World of Weiners said...

The scrotal note should be FRAMED!!!! Please say you'll frame it or at the very least press it in a book like a flower petal!

And you knew about the Magic Eraser? I am now mad at you for 3 days.


martyeaster said...

Uhm whatever flight you take to get Trammell please dont take Oceanic airlines! If you dont know why then you are lucky. It is from Lost, the TV show.

valerie said...

ROFL! Gina you are killing me! The note! The arsenic! Hilarious.

H.K. said...

I cracked up reading the doctor's note. It's such a girlish writing for a "scrotal note"! LOL!

Melissa said...

I'm sure your son is very pleased that you posted that note on the internet for everyone to see.