Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Dear So and So - The Grumpy Edition

Dear Asian Bloggers -
Never comment on my blog again!
I don't read Asian.

And I don't want to translate it either.
I don't want to look at your porn site.
I don't want to buy your Viagra at a discount.
I just don't.

Dear School -
Summer is not over.
I will let you know when summer is over.
Go away and don't bug me with all of your forms.
I don't want school to start.
I just don't.

Dear Cold -
Why are you descending on me now?
My head is full of gunk.
I feel like crap.
You make me want to just sit around watching mindless TV.
I don't feel like doing anything.
I just don't.

Dear Children -
Get out of bed and do something productive.
Don't ask me "What are we doing today?" or "What are we eating for lunch?"
WE aren't doing anything.
I have my own personal list of things to do.
Look around - there is plenty to do.
I don't have time to point out each and every thing
you need to do to get ready for school.
I just don't.

Dear Dirty Clothes -
Get in the washer.
You know where it is.
Clean yourself.
I don't feel like doing 9,000 loads.
I just don't.

Real life conversations that are taking place right now-

Trammell: "Look at me mom.
I'm putting my stuff away before you even ask."

Then said under his breath as ascending the stairs,
"What else can I do to suck up?"

Me: "Parker, I want you to go get the blue trash can and clean it out.
Bring it up on the driveway and powerwash it."

Parker: "I can't.
(with actual scriptures in hand)
I have to read the scriptures, help Trammell change the tail light, come in and read my summer reading for 45 minutes and then work on my Eagle Scout project write up."

Hmmmm...........hard to argue with that.

Me: "Garrett, you need to get your car ready to sell."
Garrett: "What?  Like clean the engine?"
Me: "No.  Not yet.  First you need to clean inside and out.  Wash the outside, vacuum the inside, wipe down everything inside and then get q-tips ad clean every nook and cranny."
Garrett; walking away from me and heading out to the garage: "Everyone who has ever touched the BMW, get out here and help me."

Funny - no one responded.


Raven said...

I hate school forms in August!

I'm sorry you're not feeling well, I hope you feel better soon!

Andrea said...

School starts next week for one and I cannot wait! They are making me NUTSO!

I love the BMW comment. That's funny. So using that logic everyone should be lots more cause they touch everything, right?

valerie said...

Feel better soon! I'm pretending right now I don't see the school registration letter on the desk.

Julianna said...

Our school forms don't arrive until the week before school starts. Nice, but try and find the supplies you need at WALmart on Sept 1st... not so nice.

Mama Badger said...

Feel better soon. That "I'm sick and you suck" grumps really take a toll on everyone subject to them.