I CAN'T MAKE THIS UP - A CONVO WITH ONE OF THE BONEHEADS

The other night around 10 o'clock, I was winding down by reading on my bed.
In comes Garrett whining <- literally, about how hungry he is.

I've been through this about 40 million times.  I know better that to suggest something as minute as a bowl of ice cream or a bowl of cereal, but I'll play along.

Garrett: "I'm ssstttaarrvvving.  I need food!"
Me: Without even looking up from my book, "Have an apple. Have a burrito.  Have some salami and cheese and crackers.  Have some popcorn...."
Garrett: "No, I need something big.  I need a meal."
Me: " Make a sandwich.  Make some bacon. Have a noodle bowl."
Garrett: "I'm going to die."
I continue to read and ignore his pleas.
He gives up and leaves.

Not two minutees later, the phone rings.
In the 1/2 second it takes me to pick it up and answer, I think I see Garrett's cell phone number on caller ID.

Me: "Hello?"
Caller: "Yes, this is Jeffrey from Social Services.  It has come to our attention that you have an underfed child in your house."

I start laughing so hard that I have to hand the phone to Brian.

Brian: "Hello?"
Caller: "Yes, this is Jeffrey from Social Services."
Brian: Going along with the little charade - "Yes?"
Caller: "Evidently, you have a starving child in your house.  We have recieved several complaints from his teachers that he is malnourished and needs to be fed."
Brian: "Really?"
Caller: "Yes, it's cruel to starve him. You should take him to Wendy's."
Brian: "Mmm...hmmm..?"
Caller: "This is a very serious situation and if you and your wife don't rectify it right away, we will have to remove HER from the house."
Brian: "You'll remove my WIFE from the house?"
Caller: "Yes."
Brian: " Ahhh...well, we'll see if we can work something out."

Where does Garrett come up with this?
Why can't he put this kind of effort toward his homework?