Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Trying to Reason with the BONEHEADS!

Before we get started - Two things:
1) HURRY!  The drawing for all the FaBuLouS Prizes in the Bestest Ever Faux Giveaway is in TWO days!  Go sign up here.
2) Can you wear pearls with snowboots?  The boots are cute and they have fur!

So today, you get to join me for a minute in the life of the Mom of the BONEHEADS!
You can be a fly on the wall –

Setting: Our kitchen

Time: 3:08

Characters (with emphasis on character): Best Mom Ever- Me, The Bonehead Bros- G and P

G: At the top of his lungs – “G-Unit in the house! Shalom!?!”

Me: “Oh good. We have to leave right now for the ENT. Your appointment is at 3:40. Go change out of those ratty jeans and put on a cute shirt.”

G: Pulling up his hoodie, “I have on a cute shirt.”

Me: "Oh yeah, you do. Well, change your jeans and put on a belt."

G: "Why do I have to look nice for the doctor?"

I see how it is. He knows the answer to this. And really, he's just pulling my chain.  I’m not going to waste my time explaining that he is going to see a professional and he wants to look decent and make a positive impression and not look like every other crappy teen that comes in and grunts…….but I’ve explained this 1,000 times and he already knows it. I don’t have time for a rational conversation. I can play his game. So, I reach into my bag of ridiculousness –

Me: “Uh you want to impress him. He’s a rich doctor and he has daughters.”

G: “I already know Priscilla* and she’s not that cute.”
*Name changed because she is cute and he knows it but….

Poned! Score: Garrett – 1, Mom - 0

Me: “Well put on a belt. And brush your teeth. He’s looking in your mouth."

G: Grabs a Slim Jim

Me: "Garrett! Hurry up! We have to go! Brush your teeth."

P: “Yeah and why did you take the whole bag of beef jerky and put it in your backpack?”

Garrett disappears and comes back without the hoodie but with a belt. I KNOW he didn’t brush his teeth though.

Me: "Come on. Come on. Quite rummaging through the pantry. We have to get going."

G: Grabs 3 more cookies

Me: "Get a coat."

G: “Why?”

Me: “Hello??? It’s 3 degrees.”

G: “I’ll grab a hoodie.”

Me: “No! No hoodie. Get your coat. Where is your coat?”

P: Coming to his brother's defense with some brilliance; "Yeah but it's not THAT cold. Tons of kids were wearing shorts today."

Me thinking but not taking the time to say, “Do you think I care about the other idiots at your school? How does the fact that they are wearing short negate Garrett’s need for a coat?”

I don't care enough to answer though and head out the door. What do I care if he freezes his butt off?

Garrett follows me out - minus the coat and the hoodie.

Me: "What? Put on some real shoes."

G: "I can’t. My shoes are new and I don’t want to wreck them in the snow and dirt."

Me: "You can’t wear slippers."

G: "These aren’t slippers. These are moccasins. The Indians wore them all the time."

Me: "I’m blogging this. I’[m blogging this whole conversation!"


valerie said...

Sounds like a conversation in our house. What is it with boys and not wearing coats in minus degrees weather?

Don and Kelley said...

I love that you blog these conversations. It makes me feel like I am not alone!

TheSingleGirl said...

'The Indians wore them all the time' made me giggle...

And to think I complain about chasing down a crawling baby and stuffing her into her carseat. I mean, she SQUIRMS but she can't say much and I'm bigger than her.

Perspective has been GAINED.


Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I can't WAIT for my son to be a teen. Can I please send him your way?

Margaret aka: Fact Woman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Margaret aka: Fact Woman said...

OMGosh. This whole conversation was hysterical.

Kim said...

I say yes to the Mocs....
I say No to a hoodie for a WELL.. dr appointment.
Slim Jim.. before an appt.. NO its in the taco bell-dorito catagory

Brushing teeth.. a MUST (ive been know turn around and go back home for teeth brushing..or stop and make the kids use their own money to buy to a toothbrush and paste)

you live in COl... and its winter you can wear whatever u want with your boots.. I learned that after living in Alaska..(bishop)birks at church... yes.

wear the pearls... if they are real.. you can wear them with EVERYTHING-ANYTHING or with NOTHING at all. if they are costume? only with the right outfit.. but who can tell these days with out munching on your neck(teeth test)... so go ahead and wear them everything.