Before we get started - Two things:
1) HURRY! The drawing for all the FaBuLouS Prizes in the Bestest Ever Faux Giveaway is in TWO days! Go sign up here.
2) Can you wear pearls with snowboots? The boots are cute and they have fur!
So today, you get to join me for a minute in the life of the Mom of the BONEHEADS!
You can be a fly on the wall –
Setting: Our kitchen
Characters (with emphasis on character): Best Mom Ever- Me, The Bonehead Bros- G and P
G: At the top of his lungs – “G-Unit in the house! Shalom!?!”
Me: “Oh good. We have to leave right now for the ENT. Your appointment is at 3:40. Go change out of those ratty jeans and put on a cute shirt.”
G: Pulling up his hoodie, “I have on a cute shirt.”
Me: "Oh yeah, you do. Well, change your jeans and put on a belt."
G: "Why do I have to look nice for the doctor?"
I see how it is. He knows the answer to this. And really, he's just pulling my chain. I’m not going to waste my time explaining that he is going to see a professional and he wants to look decent and make a positive impression and not look like every other crappy teen that comes in and grunts…….but I’ve explained this 1,000 times and he already knows it. I don’t have time for a rational conversation. I can play his game. So, I reach into my bag of ridiculousness –
Me: “Uh you want to impress him. He’s a rich doctor and he has daughters.”
G: “I already know Priscilla* and she’s not that cute.”
*Name changed because she is cute and he knows it but….
Poned! Score: Garrett – 1, Mom - 0
Me: “Well put on a belt. And brush your teeth. He’s looking in your mouth."
G: Grabs a Slim Jim
Me: "Garrett! Hurry up! We have to go! Brush your teeth."
P: “Yeah and why did you take the whole bag of beef jerky and put it in your backpack?”
Garrett disappears and comes back without the hoodie but with a belt. I KNOW he didn’t brush his teeth though.
Me: "Come on. Come on. Quite rummaging through the pantry. We have to get going."
G: Grabs 3 more cookies
Me: "Get a coat."
Me: “Hello??? It’s 3 degrees.”
G: “I’ll grab a hoodie.”
Me: “No! No hoodie. Get your coat. Where is your coat?”
P: Coming to his brother's defense with some brilliance; "Yeah but it's not THAT cold. Tons of kids were wearing shorts today."
Me thinking but not taking the time to say, “Do you think I care about the other idiots at your school? How does the fact that they are wearing short negate Garrett’s need for a coat?”
I don't care enough to answer though and head out the door. What do I care if he freezes his butt off?
Garrett follows me out - minus the coat and the hoodie.
Me: "What? Put on some real shoes."
G: "I can’t. My shoes are new and I don’t want to wreck them in the snow and dirt."
Me: "You can’t wear slippers."
G: "These aren’t slippers. These are moccasins. The Indians wore them all the time."
Me: "I’m blogging this. I’[m blogging this whole conversation!"