Tuesday, April 20, 2010

THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE MOMMYING BOYS

It's been a long week.
What? It's only Tuesday?
Seriously?
Whatever.
At least it's RTT - RaNDoM THouGHT TueSDaY!
Go on over and see Keely at The UnMom and hook up!

And now -
THINGS I'VE LEARNED WHILE MOMMYING BOYS -

1) Your definition of a "clean" room and their's are miles apart. They have a high tolerance for clothing on the floor and are allergic to hangers.

2) Once they hit 13, you need to cook/prepare/have available TWO dinners each night.
Not snacks, not a bowl of ice cream, not a bowl of cereal, not a handful of popcorn or pretzels - two MEALS.
And they need to be different.

3) There are a LOT of slang words for private parts.
Example from last night:
Me: "Little Jimmy, say the blessing on the dinner."
Little Jimmy's Brother: "Yeah and don't forget to bless my Fruity Pebbles."


Note: It was dinner, not breakfast.
Still don't get it?  Remember, cereal is NOT dinner.

4) Never, ever ground your boys.
Really?  Who is supposed to be punished?

Real life convo -
Parker - "Yeah, my friends are always getting grounded.  How come you never ground us?"
Me: "What?  And torture myself?  I'd rather hit you and get it over with."

5) If you ever feel like putting your hands around your son's neck and squeezing really, really hard, you are normal.
Try not to do it.
Try to walk away.

6) Don't use idle threats that you could never or would never enforce.
We were at Disneyland with friends and the mom said,
"If you don't quite pinching your brother,
you're going to go sit in the car in the parking lot."
Her son knew THAT would never happen.

Who would put their kid in the car in the parking lot of Disneyland?
Be realistic.
Like when I was shopping with Garrett last fall and said,
"If you don't cut it out, I'll give you a round house kick to the head."
I could do it.
Practice round house kicks in your bedroom.
You need to be ready to follow through on threats.

7) Remember, the prime motivation to BUILD something is to DESTROY it.
Don't get all excited and think they are mini architectural geniuses when they spend hours building
Legos,
Blocks,
Popsicle Stick Houses,
Gingerbread Houses,
it's not to be creative........it's to wreak havouc.
What goes up, must come down - preferably with fire.

8) Sometimes matches aren't enough to burn things.
Cotton balls dipped in wax, lit on fire with a lighter and launched from a catapult are much more effective.

9) Sound and noise are GOOD.
Loud sounds are BETTER.
Silence is DANGEROUS.

10) Encourage contact sports.
It will be harder to determine whether YOU are responsible for the bruises or not.

11) Boys are the best thing that will ever happen to you.
Boys ROCK!
They make you laugh. They make you cry.
They make you think.  They make you wonder.
They are big and hairy and smelly and sweaty and sweet and amazing and achingly human.
I LOVE BOYS!

15 comments:

Amy said...

I love the lessons learned. Gives me ideas on what I have to look forward to. I already know that silence is bad. Lane gets super quiet when he's trying to destroy things he knows he shouldn't.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Hilarious! There are just too many good ones to point out but... my personal faves are:

4,7,9 & 10 :)

Jamie said...

Perfect! Here's to boys and hoping the little parasite is also of that sex.

Big Mama Cass said...

Oh lordy you have me petrified of the days to come with my son. *shudder*

Steph said...

HAHA! It's funny because it's all true :)

Happy Tuesday

Shelly said...

Fruity Pebbles? Haven't heard that one but can hear it now.

Love the round house kick practicing. I might just practice where he can see me.

Mama Badger said...

I had to come back to read these to PB! Have I told you how much I love your blog? And I will throw out there that you should get yourself out there more. People think Mormons are crazy because of all the weird stuff they hear on TV. You prove that it's just not so. Thanks.

Margaret aka: Fact Woman said...

I love boys! They are so much more rational than girls. MUCH MORE!!!!!!!
Silence is always dangerous especially when girls are around the boys!!!!
Thank you for letting me cry and for being my friend! You ROCK!!!!!

McMom said...

I am so excited that my 13 year-old is going to start eating 2 dinners a day, because right now he weighs about 80 pounds! Now, I am off to practice some roundhouse kicks.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

LOL! I Love it! And it's so true...I'm so glad I have boys and girls...the bonds are unique and wonderful.

valerie said...

Oh yeah, boys do rock! I could totally see my boys doing all those things.

H.K. said...

Numbers 4-6 had me laughing out loud! Maybe that's why grounding Moe hasn't been working, I should just give him a roundhouse kick too...except he's too tall, 6'4! Darn it!

Qoddess said...

You've been quoted!


http://qoddessquotesblogs.blogspot.com/2010/04/quotes-april-24-2010.html

Raven said...

You crack me up! "I'd rather hit you and get it over with." ROTF

Missty said...

LOVE them all! And they are all so true!
Your right - Boys rock!!