Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Letters That Need to be Sent

Well hello!
It's Tuesday.
I haven't been feeling quite myself since My Excellent Adventure.
But today is a new day and I have a lot to do!
My hands now function and I'm hoping to be headache free today.
But PLEASE do NOT run into my elbow!

If you are going to run into something,
run into Stacy!
Go on over and see her and join in the RaNDoMNeSS of TueSDaY!

I have some IMPORTANT correspondence to get out!

Dear Investment Houses -
Do not bother to send me paper statements.
With the markets in freefall,
it is depressing to open a statement printed and mailed last week....
when I was worth 30% more.

Dear Politicians -
Please quit calling and mailing me solicitations for donations.
See above.

Dear American Express, Chase, Discover et al -
Please quit sending my children "free" credit card offers.
Yes they have Visa cards.
Yes they have good credit.
Who do you think is paying the bills?
See above.

Dear Parker -
Why do you eat 7 Otter Pops at once?
Otter Pops don't grow on trees!
They are like, 200 for $7.98!
Do I have to tell you to see above?

Dear JoAnne Crawford, Mr. Hong, Katherine Spencer & Gerald Williams,
I'm so sorry that you can not find any heirs.
And I am grateful that you want to send me $12 million, $34 million, $1 billion or WOW! $65 billion.
As you can see from the above,
I could really use it!
However, I will not be able to wire you money, send you my bank account number or my social security number, or mail you a money order for $5,000 to "get started."
You've already "checked" me out and know that we are of like mind!
You love my charitable nature and trust me implicitly.

So go ahead and cut the check.
I'll be standing by my mailbox.

Happy Tuesday!


Mama Badger said...

Ahhh, now if only all these people would just listen.

Anonymous said...

You never cease to make me laugh. These are great!

Captain Dumbass said...

One of my co-workers is from Nigeria. She doesn't like to tell people that because of all the scams from there. Whatever, she owes me a billion dollars.

Danelle said...

How come no one is offering to give me a billion dollars? Then maybe I could afford some Otter Pops!

Stef said...

I will take some of that check if you please.

Christina - Rant Rave Roll said...

Hey! Wait a minute.... Mr Williams said I was to receive that money. Are you trying to steal my inheritance??

Happy Random!

Andrea said...

And you will of course buy your bestest buds cupcakes with your billions right?

Happy Tuesday (on Wednesday)