Thursday, August 18, 2011

My Child Would NEVER!

We ALL say it!
We all claim that our little angels would NEVER do HALF the stuff those little demons two streets over, the next table over, or three rows ahead of us are doing.
And WHY wouldn't they do it?
Because WE are such wonderful parents.
We wrote the book on parenting!

All of us have come home late on a Friday or Saturday night and seen the cars lining the street, beer bottles in the gutter and teenagers strolling through bushes back to their cars.
SOMEONE'S parents are out of town!
And someone's parents are soooooo STUPID!
Who would leave a teenager unattended.......for even 15 minutes?
Not me! Never! Ever!

Except for last week, when I left Parker HOME ALONE for two days.
Well.........not exactly alone.
My brother and sister-in-law live two doors away and Parker was working the whole time....
or at least 20 of the 48 hours.

But when we came home,
I knew immediately.
There were the tell-tale signs!
The table was set -

The chop sticks were out.

And sure enough - there were the half empty bottles.
Someone had been into the Peanut Oil and the Rice Vinegar!

Parker had a DINNER party while we were gone.
Yes, MY child cooked up a storm with no supervision.
He went to the store and bought CHILE PEPPERS and SHITAKE MUSHROOMS on his own.
And I am sure the clerk didn't ask for ID!

He made Kung Pao Chicken AND Fried Rice for 3 of his friends!
ALL underage!
Two of them are going into college and one was his 14 year old cousin.
But still!
Where were HIS parents!!!!

Learn from my tale of woe!
No matter how nice, obedient, smart, and responsible your children are, don't EVER leave them unattended!


Dawn said...

LOL! The NERVE of him! Being all sneaky like that!

That being said, he can cook on the sly for me anytime. Does he take requests?

Andrea said...

Well I am relieved to see that he didn't make pasta with Vodka sauce. I absolutely LOVED this post and can only hope my kids have such nerve someday! :)

Rachael said...

I have learned to never say those words because the second they are out of your mouth its over!!!
Great post! Great kid!!!

Julianna said...

I blame society really. I mean you do the best you can, and then "the man" gives them a licence and permission to enter the grocery store.

Craziness I tell you!

Now, can he come here? I'm craving some fried rice.

Patty Edwards said...

When can I come over and supervise Parker for a few days (he has to cook)?

Mama Badger said...

Sigh, you did your best. All you can do is teach them right from wrong and hope it sticks. You still have another year to teach him that he can only cook for Mom and Dad, right?

Andrea said...

Parker can come get into trouble at my house anytime (Kung Pao sounds good!)

Donna said...

Wow, that is very impressive!!

Danelle said...

Unfortunately, my child would NEVER do that. Which in this case is kind of a bummer. I'd just be mad that I missed the dinner party. Maybe he should get grounded for having it without you. ;)

Joy For Your Journey said...

Too funny! I am very impressed he knew how to cook those things. His future roommates/missionary companions/wife will all be thankful though.

Kara Herron said...

My children "would NEVER do THAT", not because I'm a perfect mom, but because I've got the "Miss Manner's LOOK" down pat! Seriously, I don't even have to open my mouth - I just put "the LOOK" on my face, and things are just fine. *snicker*

Thank you Miss Manner's Guide to Raising Perfect Children!


Tiffany said...

um, I just love Parker. so much!