Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Are Your Kids Making You as Miserable as They’re Making Me?

Dear Lady at the Grocery Store,

I didn’t have very much fun shopping with you and your three kids today.

By “with you” I know we didn’t plan it, but you guys were like a VISA card – everywhere I wanted to be.

I’m guessing your kids were between 6 and 8….so old enough.

In the produce section, your son was skating around with his heelys using a produce bag as a sail. He was dodging carts – or should I say THEY were dodging HIM?

Your two girls were arguing over who was going to carry the basket until they both worked together to fill it with produce you didn’t want……..but you didn’t notice the extra zucchinis and radishes until the bakery section. You told them to take everything back........but they didn't. You'll find the zuchinis by the bread.

Crazy how we were in all the same aisles! And your son can race up and down and up and down and up in down in no time on BOTH sides of the aisle…….like a roller rink. But he’s sooooo cute, so we all enjoyed it.

You didn’t happen to notice the cereal boxes the kids knocked off the shelf did you?

Now, I wasn’t WITH you on the snack and cookie aisle, but luckily I could HEAR you. I heard you say “No, we aren’t getting Oreos today.” You must have been teasing though because I saw them in your cart when you came around the corner.

Do your kids speak a different language than you? You spoke TO them frequently. And I liked what you had to say.

“Stay by me.”
“Here, hold your coat.”
“Stay right with me.”

"No, I already told you we can't get that."
“Don’t put anything in the cart.”
“You need to stay right by the cart.”
"Where have you been?"

But your kids obviously didn’t understand you.
Maybe they don’t speak English. I shouldn’t judge.

Luckily, your son did recognize American with an Asian accent when the bagger gasped and called out “Don’t put that bag on your head!” as he skated by with the produce bag on his head.

Maybe you could hire a child whisperer or a circus trainer, either one.
Your kids are quite acrobatic. I couldn’t believe all three of them could fit on that little horse ride. But I guess if you have one sitting on the head, one kneeling on the saddle and one standing on the tail, it all works out.

Good thing they didn’t fall because THEN the store would owe you lots of money. They really need to hire someone to man that ride while your back is to them. Isn’t that one of the times you said, “Stay right here?” But that was when you were paying and holding your daughter’s coat… it’s totally understandable.

And it’s a good thing everyone in the parking lot is so conscientious. On your way out, you stopped in the middle of the doorway, told everyone to hold on to the cart and then proceeded out into the street.

Hey one out of three ain’t bad. Heely boy raced ahead. I mean, how could you not when you have wheeled shoes. And one lagged behind, but you noticed she was missing when you got to the car. All’s well that ends well!

But call me when you are going to the store again…….no not so I can go with you! So that I can stay home.


valerie said...

lol. I think I've experienced that once before.

Melissa said...

I think you should be the new Supernanny if the old one ever decides to retire.

debilyn said...

BEST post I've read in a long time!!! It sounds like what I witness EVERY time I go to Walmart...but with the wheels on the tennis shoes, maybe that kid really gets around, eh?

Seriously...Brilliant! =)

Missty said...

Oh good grief. I have mentioned to moms before "not sure if you know but your kid just left the bread in the cheese case." And then if in the same isle with me, Whoops your little brat, er, I mean little girl knocked off the cereal from the shelf. lol
Drives me CRAZY!!

And don't get me started on if they bring a dog into the store. I flip out! I usually say something like "seriously, you brought an animal into a food store?" And then get the manager immediatly!

Lewis Family said...

I almost thought you were talking about my kids but then I remembered that I hate wheelies and I hate taking my kids to the grocery because they drive me crazy there! lol Why do people do that to themselves and others?

H.K. said...

Too funny! I'm sure the kids you witnessed were my nieces and nephews!

Stacy said...


Stephdeezy said...

I was thinking somewhere along these same lines yesterday. I was at the airport and it's so exciting when we get to travel with the mothers and their kids. It never ceases to amaze how rediculous I think these mothers can be. Like you stated though 'I don't judge' Oh but if they could just see what we see.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I had to delete my comment because apparently I can't speak or write english.

Did they export themselves to Germany? Because I swear I went shopping with them yesterday.

Love this post today!

Shirley said...

You really need to submit some of your posts to magazines. This one was perfect! We have all run into that family many times while shopping.