Friday, May 22, 2009

SUMMER SALES - And I'm NOT Talking About Swimsuits

The Food Storage Guys came over.
Yeah they are summer sales guys. I don’t know HOW they do it, but they magically KNOW everyone in the ward and their phone number and address. It couldn’t be from the stake directory since everyone knows that is sacred and can’t be used for marketing or business purposes! So it’s pretty amazing that they tracked me down.

Of course they named five other families in the ward who were all purchasing the “Super Duper Help My Family Survive into the Eternities Food Storage System.” And those five families all KNEW that I would want my family to survive a nuclear holocaust and so gladly handed over my name and number.

But everyone knows that you HAVE to let the Food Storage sales guys come over and make their pitch. I mean, it used to be the Living Scriptures guys coming over. But I think last summer, they finally got the message. So they turned the territory and the ward list over to the Food Storage guys.

These guys are high pressure. They don’t take "no" for an answer. You start out using plausible excuses and before you know it, you find yourself risking getting struck by lightening and almost denying the Holy Ghost to say NO!

“Hey, we have these fabulous animated versions of the scriptures that will not only teach your kids all the symbolism in Isaiah but will guarantee that they go on missions.”

“Ummm…….my kids are too old for the videos. Thanks.”
“What? You’re never too old for cartoons. Besides these are specially developed for teenagers. Our war graphics are designed by the same people who make Halo.”

"Really? Oh well....we can't really afford to sign up for $49.95 a month for the rest of our lives right now."
"Hmmmm...that's so sad that you are putting such a low price on youreternal salvation. You're saying being with your family isn't worth $49.95?"

"Yeah. I mean, no. I mean I don't care. Wait.... we already have all of the sets anyway – Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, Church History. Yep. We own em all!”

“Ahhhh….but you don’t have our NEW Prophets of the Restored Church series. It just came out last night. No collection is complete without the Prophets. Didn’t you know that you have to know all the prophets middle names and wives’ favorite flowers to get into THE Kingdom.”

“You do? No I didn’t know that. But we, I, ummmm…………..we don’t care about the Prophets. I guess we won’t be getting in.” <- Did I just say that? I glance up and duck under the porch.

“I can’t believe you’re willing to risk your entire eternal family when you could guarantee salvation with these little CD’s.”

“I know....I don't really like them that much and I guess eternal life just isn't a priority.” <- I run for the front door as thunder booms out.

So, you can understand why I was a little nervous about saying "No" to the Food Storage Guys.

Here is their idea of what I need:

Here is my idea of what I need:

Plus, I have food storage! Thank you very much.
Yep! And I just added to it
We seriously could get by for weeks with the 40 gallons of popcorn and 400 fortune cookies left over from After Prom.

Plus, I believe in the “Store What You Eat” food storage plan.
And I also believe in the “Hey I’ll trade you a brownie mix for some of your crappy vegetables” plan.

Actually, I didn't mind talking to the Food Storage guys. Their plan does mesh well with our plan.... kind of.

We told them we would think about it while they went to my sister-in-law’s house. And no! I didn’t give them her name. They already had it.

They are calling back tonight while we are at graduation parties to find out which package we want to order.


Missty said...

I am not polite to those who find my info from church records. I say GO AWAY!! It really ticks me off. And you are so right in the way they are high pressure, etc. To bad they are coming back. lol

So, did you get my quick blackberry reply to Honeyville - for food storage! lol Love it. Any order no matter how big or small - shipping is $4.95!! So, I buy something usually every month. Some months big orders, other months smaller orders.

But I am a big believer in store what you eat. Many people are going to have stomache issues if they every need to use that whole wheat they have stored, and have never had it in there normal diet! lol

Melissa said...

I loved your conversation with the Living Scriptures guys. You are so funny! (And please don't send the food storage guys to our house. We already got hit up at Costco by the Food Storage Shelving and Rotation guys.

H.K. said...

I like your idea of food storage waaay better, the brownie mix plan is the way to go!

p.s. can't stand the living scriptures sales guys, we got "conned" into buying stuff we don't need!

valerie said...

lol. We've never had anyone around here try to sell us food storage but we do have these guys who try and sell us meat. They are creepy and drive these little trucks. No thanks. I really don't want to buy my meat from the back of a truck!

Allison Williams said...

OH I am laughing so hard!! If all it really took to get into the kingdom was $49 a month well then I would sign up for that!! Here I thought I had it bad trying to turn down a really nice guy selling window cleaner so he could go to college (the first in his family to attend too!) Please never send these guys my way :-)

Rachael said...

I'm glad you posted this, so now I know who exactly to avoid. I cannot stand the summer sales people, using the ward list. One year the Living Scriptures guys kept targeting the Warnick's and us(we are next door neighbors), and we would call and warn each other when we spotted the salesman so we'd know not to answer the door.

Mike said...

I admit, I did find that living scriptures conversation quite comical, especially because I sell them during the summer. But let me just say, we don't use ward lists, ever. And if anyone did, they would get fired. People do give us lots of referrals though, and we know where all of our previous customers live, so that's how we get started in an area.
Also, we stop coming a lot sooner if you just answer the door and say you are not interested. Not answering the door only makes us come back dozens of times because we think you are not home. Just fyi.