Friday, May 29, 2009

I'M EMBARRASSED FOR YOU!

Dear Denver Post -
REALLY???? You are really wondering why your newspaper isn't selling? A FRONT PAGE article on Cougars? Is THIS news? Is THIS Front Page news?

Didn't the legislature meet and vote on anything yesterday? Couldn't you find the mayor and ask him how summer tourism projections are looking? Couldn't you do a piece on the refugee who moved from one of the "stan" countries when they were three, had nothing, but pulled herself up by her bootstraps and graduated from University of Denver? Couldn't you have done an article about how all the budget cuts will affect area school districts next year?

THIS article was your very best NEWS article? I'm disgusted.

Dear COUGARS,
REALLY???? You told your story to the newspaper? My husband says that when you talk to the media, you come out looking one of two ways: DUMB or DUMBER.

So you had a good night last night and you woke up this morning with......NOTHING! Except a headache and a dress that needs to be dry cleaned.

Does being the predator instead of the prey really change anything? The end result is the same.

When a man is out on the prowl, we don't call him a cougar. We call him a PIG!

Where is your mother???? "This is what society handed me?" "We're looking for people we can love. It's not about anything else."

Dressed in a low cut leopard print dress and hanging out in a bar, you aren't looking for love.......you're looking for sex. I'm digusted.

This was a FRONT PAGE ARTICLE in our newspaper yesterday -

"Cougars" on the prowl in Colorado nightclubs
Beyond the stereotypes of predatory "cougars" over 35 dating younger men, there's rising income, numbers — and acceptance


Self-proclaimed urban cougars, Melanie Olson, 44, left, and Christine Spuehler, 44, right, prowl a bar in Highlands Ranch, Colo., May 13, 2009.

Sitting at Elway's glittering bar in a slinky dress and strappy heels, Christine Spuehler, 44, is alluring by any measure.
And ageless, too, with blond hair spilling around her face. Men a decade or two her junior approach at this legendary lounge, known for hooking up as much as for its frosty martinis and celebrity owner. The Castle Rock woman has dated several younger guys since separating from her spouse three years ago.
You could call her a cougar.
But it's not that simple.
"This is what society handed me," said Spuehler, chatting on a recent Thursday night. "I thought when I was in my 20s, I would find somebody and have a beautiful life with him and have children."
Exit the husband. Enter the fawning young men.
Spuehler, like many middle-aged women, is single, financially secure and interested in romance. By some measures, she typifies what pop-culture lingo has dubbed a cougar — a woman 35-plus willing to date guys a generation-minus.
But cougarism is more complicated than the reductive picture forged in TV shows, comedy monologues and the snide commentary of office e-mails.
Spuehler is no lioness preying upon tender antelope. She wouldn't mind finding a man her own age, she says.
"We're looking for people we can love. It's not about anything else."
For some cougars, at least, dating men who were still in high school during the first season of "American Idol" is less about sex than it is about circumstance.
"There aren't as many men my age who are single and fabulous," said Gail Bridges, 38, sitting in a Boulder coffee shop.
"I try to be open to everything. But you really only meet young dudes in bars."
And the young guys, she said, tend to be "enamored" of older women. "You tell them your age and it does not scare them away," she said. "It draws them in."
The May-December romance concept is not new. Older men, certainly, have been dabbling for centuries (though lately, they've been dubbed

Jessica Hunter, 45, is dating Shane Scott, 30. She dates younger men, she says, because "they are like, 'Hell, yeah, I can do whatever I want.' "
Cougars have been around, too, though not so prominently. Libidinous Mrs. Robinson was a scandalous boy-chaser in 1967's "The Graduate." Even the term cougar has been around since the 1980s.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

IDLE HANDS ARE THE DEVIL'S WORKSHOP....ESPECIALLY IF THE HANDS BELONG TO THE BONEHEAD BROTHERS!


The Bonehead Brothers need NO encouragement…or free time for that matter.

HOT TIP for moms of boys – Boys must be kept busy.
It’s actually best if they have 2-3 jobs during the summer.
Boys are nocturnal unless they have been worked into the ground.
So physical labor is good.


Now, you know that Garrett has been gainfully employed for the last 7-8 months at Abercrombie. He has been looking for alternative employment though because (in his words) “They treat us like animals!” Really?????




In his defense, I have heard this from several reliable sources.


I just discount what HE says.


He applied for a Summer LIFEGUARD position back in February. Because he waited so long to apply (?), he received an offer as a substitute lifeguard. He was thrilled. He would be "on call" and work at all the pools in our community. The manager assured him that he would be able to pick up 40 hours a week subbing for people going on vacation etc.


They had a mandatory meeting last week.


If you didn’t attend the meeting, you were FIRED. That’s what they said.


Turns out, if you didn’t attend the meeting AND you didn’t call them the next day by 5 pm, you would be FIRED.


So, Garrett called the manager around 4 pm and asked if by any chance there were open permanent positions. She said she would get back to him a little after 5. He went golfing.


He called meat 5:52 and said he hadn’t heard.


You could hear his disappointment.


Then he called at 6:15 and said, “Sally called.” Long pause.


Me: “And?.......”


G: “There’s not anything.”


I slip into Mom Cheerleader mode: “Well that’s okay!!! You have the sub position and I am sure something will open up.”


G: Silence……….”Not really! I have a permanent position!”
My boys take great pleasure in tricking me. I don’t know WHERE they got it from!!!!


Me: “Wow! Congratulations! That is sooooo great. That is awesome….”


G: interrupting me….”Yeah, but it’s kinda far away…”


Me: “So, it can’t be that far away. All the pools are local. Where is it?


G: “Ummm….It’s at this neighborhood far away. I can’t pronounce it….. It’s spelled C-H-A-P-P-……”


It takes me this long to figure out he is spelling OUR neighborhood!!!!! Yeah, he will be working less than a mile away. His travel time is 2 minutes.




He can come home for lunch.
I can take him lunch.
I can go and embarrass him!


All his friends in the neighborhood will be working at pools that are 20-30 minutes away. They are incredulous that he got THE neighborhood pool. Of all the luck.


But as Garrett likes to say, “It’s a tender mercy.”


We went out the next day to get the requisite gear.


The most important thing to him is THE WHISTLE and of course he had to get the loudest one possible. I HATE that whistle!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

PETER RABBIT Will Be in BIG Trouble!

I’m a huge Beatrix Potter fan.

All of my children had Peter Rabbit nursery bedding.
I even painted a 7 foot tall Peter Rabbit in Trammell’s nursery.
I read them all the stories.

We watched every video TAPE versions of Peter Rabbit and Squirrel Nutkin that I could get my hands on!

But I’m feeling a little bit like Mr. McGregor today.
I have a feeling my love affair with Peter Rabbit is going to end.

I’m not sure who I will be more ticked at - the bunny who will EAT MY ENTIRE GARDEN or at Brian who is predicting that it will happen.

Parker wants a little garden. He wants a tomato plant.

We made room in a perennial bed for a few vegetables.

Parker and I went to the store and purchased plants – since our growing season is so short.

I let him choose. We came home with –
Tomatoes
Radishes
Cucumbers
Green Onions
Chives
Italian Basil
Thai Basil
Parsley
Jalepenos
Habeneros

We planted the smelly stuff and spicy stuff in the front, thinking it would be a turn off to the rabbits.
WE BETTER BE RIGHT!

and

BRIAN BETTER BE WRONG

or Peter Rabbit will be VERY SORRY!!!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Memorial Day BLOGCATION

I took a little break from my crazy life and had a mellow weekend….

so mellow, I don’t remember it.

But I had time to ponder and reflect on several things:

1) Why for the past 12 years, do we look forward to Memorial Day as the opening of the pool? It doesn’t matter if the kids are 5 or 15. Everyone anticipates the weekend and clears the calendar. And EVERY year, it is rainy and 55. Yesterday was no exception.


2) Why is it that when you finally find a CUTE swimsuit, they don’t have your size?

3) Why if ONE helping of my favorite food (like mashed potatoes and cupcakes) is an appeteaser and TWO helpings is satisfying…………why do I eat THREE? Three always makes you sorry.

4) Why does working in the yard and cleaning the garage make the entire inside of the house a mess?
5) Why does Garrett cleaning out his car = 3 loads of laundry?


6) Why do people run? And why do they run a 10K race with 60,000 people? I think I was the only one in the ward not to run the Bolder Boulder yesterday. Did I miss a General Conference talk? Is it a new commandment?

7) Why, if the kids have taken their AP exams and the teacher has given the final because most of the students were seniors, why do we still have school?

That sums up the deep thoughts I had when I was spraying weed killer along the driveway and the ditch just hours before the rain storm washed it all away. I hope your Memorial Day was equally thought-provoking!

Friday, May 22, 2009

SUMMER SALES - And I'm NOT Talking About Swimsuits

The Food Storage Guys came over.
Yeah they are summer sales guys. I don’t know HOW they do it, but they magically KNOW everyone in the ward and their phone number and address. It couldn’t be from the stake directory since everyone knows that is sacred and can’t be used for marketing or business purposes! So it’s pretty amazing that they tracked me down.

Of course they named five other families in the ward who were all purchasing the “Super Duper Help My Family Survive into the Eternities Food Storage System.” And those five families all KNEW that I would want my family to survive a nuclear holocaust and so gladly handed over my name and number.
Phew!!!

But everyone knows that you HAVE to let the Food Storage sales guys come over and make their pitch. I mean, it used to be the Living Scriptures guys coming over. But I think last summer, they finally got the message. So they turned the territory and the ward list over to the Food Storage guys.


These guys are high pressure. They don’t take "no" for an answer. You start out using plausible excuses and before you know it, you find yourself risking getting struck by lightening and almost denying the Holy Ghost to say NO!

“Hey, we have these fabulous animated versions of the scriptures that will not only teach your kids all the symbolism in Isaiah but will guarantee that they go on missions.”

“Ummm…….my kids are too old for the videos. Thanks.”
“What? You’re never too old for cartoons. Besides these are specially developed for teenagers. Our war graphics are designed by the same people who make Halo.”

"Really? Oh well....we can't really afford to sign up for $49.95 a month for the rest of our lives right now."
"Hmmmm...that's so sad that you are putting such a low price on youreternal salvation. You're saying being with your family isn't worth $49.95?"


"Yeah. I mean, no. I mean I don't care. Wait.... we already have all of the sets anyway – Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, Church History. Yep. We own em all!”

“Ahhhh….but you don’t have our NEW Prophets of the Restored Church series. It just came out last night. No collection is complete without the Prophets. Didn’t you know that you have to know all the prophets middle names and wives’ favorite flowers to get into THE Kingdom.”


“You do? No I didn’t know that. But we, I, ummmm…………..we don’t care about the Prophets. I guess we won’t be getting in.” <- Did I just say that? I glance up and duck under the porch.


“I can’t believe you’re willing to risk your entire eternal family when you could guarantee salvation with these little CD’s.”

“I know....I don't really like them that much and I guess eternal life just isn't a priority.” <- I run for the front door as thunder booms out.

So, you can understand why I was a little nervous about saying "No" to the Food Storage Guys.

Here is their idea of what I need:


Here is my idea of what I need:



Plus, I have food storage! Thank you very much.
Yep! And I just added to it
We seriously could get by for weeks with the 40 gallons of popcorn and 400 fortune cookies left over from After Prom.

Plus, I believe in the “Store What You Eat” food storage plan.
And I also believe in the “Hey I’ll trade you a brownie mix for some of your crappy vegetables” plan.


Actually, I didn't mind talking to the Food Storage guys. Their plan does mesh well with our plan.... kind of.


We told them we would think about it while they went to my sister-in-law’s house. And no! I didn’t give them her name. They already had it.


They are calling back tonight while we are at graduation parties to find out which package we want to order.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Let THEM Have the Camera and Things Go Awry


The Prom pictures were going so well.........

Then, I had to go give the limo driver directions and talk him through the neighborhood.

WHO did I hand the camera off to?
I don't know....but here are the results.........




Wednesday, May 20, 2009

FOOD for 1,000......If It Doesn't Kill You, It Will Make You Stronger!


So……….Prom is over and After Prom is over and I finally unloaded the coolers and bowls and trays from the car.
NOW – I can show you the super secret decorations and reveal the theme…except that I can’t remember!
Oops! Can you believe it? It was something like “Eastern Elegance” or “A Night in the Far East” or whatever. But you get the idea. It was something Asian.





Here are pics of the decorations. These pictures do not do it justice. Really, with the lights off, it didn't even look like the high school.
The food went over well. We had plenty.
This is the dragon that we made at the head of our food table. Behind it, 6 tables serpentined through the room and they were loaded with food.
Here is what we served-
3,000 Chick-Fil-A Nuggets with dipping sauces
1,000 Egg Rolls
450 Slices of Pizza
300 Mini Subway Sandwiches
48 large bags of Tortilla Chips with a Nacho Cheese Fountain (almost 5 gallons of fake cheese)
5 large bags of Pretzels
182 Gallons of Movie Theater Popcorn
Fruit Kabobs made from
6 watermelons (cubed)
24 lbs of strawberries
20 lbs of grapes
10 lbs of canteloupes & honeydew
15 dozen Brownies
50 dozen Cookies
9 large boxes of Mini Donuts
8 lbs of Cheese cubes
8 large boxes of Triscuits and Wheat Thins
12 Costco sized bags of Skittles
9 giant sized bags of M&M’s
I've never worked so hard in my life (between the hours of 10 pm and 4 am)....not even at the church cannery!
Look who came to visit just before we turned off the lights and all the kids came! Mr. Chunkers!!!!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Bonehead Brothers REDEEM Themselves....Almost

Remember the day that I wanted to strangle the Bonehead Brothers after seminary??? I know....you're thinking, "Which time?"

The only reason I didn't is because I hopped a plane to San Jose and had the weekend to rethink their deaths......but not before I called Garrett on his way to school and told him that I could visualize my hands around his neck slowly squeezing it.

Anyway, when I was in San Jose, someone (a responsible adult like the Bishop) came to seminary and had the kids write letters to me.

They presented the letters to me on the last day of seminary.
The letters were sweet beyond words.

Many of them bore their testimonies.
Many of them recalled what they had learned or mentioned their favorite lesson.
Many of them mentioned my death wish.....weird! :)

In respect for their privacy, I won't share their letters. Besides, there are 30 of them. But I will share the Bonehead Brothers' letters because they are not entitled to privacy.

By virtue of them driving me loony, they don't get privacy.


They are "angles" alright! Obtuse angles. And to be honest, the days they were in vegetative states were pretty good ones.




And I guess I will let Tyler spend the night at our house ONE more night!

Seriously, I can't imagine another calling being as rewarding as Seminary Teacher.........even if it is early morning seminary!

Monday, May 18, 2009

THE BONEHEAD BROTHERS DO PROM


We all survived the BIG weekend.






Originally Garrett wanted his Prom date to be someone "special." He figured that if you were going to throw down that much money, it should be for someone you really liked. But it was May, and I explained that 1) he had to hurry up and ask someone and 2) if you wanted to have someone "special" in your life in May, you probably should have started looking in February.


While he was disappointed to not have someone special, I was thrilled! ;)

But he never could bring himself to ask just anyone.

One of Garrett's friends asked him to go with her. The girls took care of all the details....kind of.


Despite the fact that two days before, they were told there wasn't room in the limo for everyone......the limo worked out




Despite the fact that Tyler's date wore half a dress...... he knew she would.


Despite the fact that Garrett's date disappeared into the bathroom and came back slightly inebriated...........he ditched her.


The boys had a great time..........with each other.


They danced with their friends.

Accompanied the girls back home in the limo.

And came to After Prom.




And even with all that, they said it was really fun!

Friday, May 15, 2009

2 DOWN!

That's right! TWO EVENTS DOWN and I'm alive to talk about it!
(But go ahead and keep planning my funeral)

Last night was the LACROSSE BANQUET....
and I don't have pics!

We had 150 at the dinner which was catered by Jim and Nick's BBQ.
It was delicious!

Here are some pics of the balloons.
Each table had a blue or black tablecloth, a lacrosse helmet in the center and balloons tied to the helmet. Candy was sprinkled on the tables.

After the food, we moved to the theatre for awards and our famous video.
It's great plays and crashes set to hard core rock music.

Tiny Baby was named JV CAPTAIN which is especially cool for a 4'10" Freshman. He says he's not 4'10". He's taller. Sure he is......like 4'10 1/2." Because if he was any taller, than this guy defending him would be 7 feet tall! He had the most points on the JV teams (goals & assists).

He had the most points on JV (goals & assists).




Garrett was named next year's VARSITY CAPTAIN....way cool........lots of work!


He had his first meeting with the coaches right after the banquet!


Then we loaded everything up and came home for a few hours of sleep before the seminary breakfast.
I didn't make good on my threat to serve cold cereal. We made pancakes and sausage.
It was awesome. Great, great kids!!! World's best calling but it's always good to go out on top of your game. I don't know how much longer I could get up at that ridiculous hour, put on a dress and be excited about teenagers. Probably, I could do it for...........maybe one more day, but maybe not.
Well, I've got to go unload the Lacrosse Banquet stuff and start loading the After Prom stuff.

I WILL take pictures! It's going to be way cool.
Yesterday, we were at Sam's Club buying all the paper goods and I passed an end cap display and was immediately inspired to buy 1,000 Otter Pops. I'll explain later!!!
Have a super great Friday!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Let the PARTIES Begin!

THIS is it!
Strap in for a fun-filled weekend!




Tonight: Lacrosse Banquet

Friday: Seminary Breakfast - Last day of Seminary

Saturday: Prom/After Prom Extravaganza

Sunday: Seminary Graduation

Monday: My Funeral


I'm a list maker. It's what I do. I figure it's a better coping mechanism than a gun.....but I could be wrong.

I'm armed with a pen and kind of dangerous.

Here’s my list for Day One of Complete Craziness - Check, Check & Check!
1. Seminary – Testimonies
2. Blog – I have my priorities!
3. Send Check for Prom Tickets
4. Call Myra re: Limo drama
5. House
a. Laundry
b. My Room
6. Flowers for Pots/New Pots?
a. Lowes
b. Home Depot
c. WalMart
d. Costco
7. WalMart
a. Roaster
8. Order Subs from Subway
9. Margaret
a. Chocolate Fountain Secured?
b. Pizza?
c. What vendors are delivering/picking up?
i. What has been paid for?
ii. Cancel one Chick-Fil-a order?
10. Find Envelopes for Seniors’ Pictures
11. Email Bylaws to poor fool who volunteered to be on the board
12. Pick up Coachs’ Gifts –
a. Varsity – 1-$75, 2-$50
b. JV – Did Lois already get?
c. Level II – 1 - $75, 1-$50
13. Print/Fold Programs
14. Lemonade for Banquet?
15. Temple – Sealing @ 7 pm
16. Think About –
a. Cards for Coaches/Pens to sign
b. Flowers for Coaches’ Wives
c. Food for Seminary Breakfast
d. Mom’s Birthday
e. Finalizing Lacrosse Scholarship Winner
f. Manager Gifts – 4 Boys & 4 Girls
g. Picking up paper goods for After Prom

I've started my list for Day Two of Craziness.

For those of you who want to get out ahead of the craziness - order my funeral flowers. I would like pink and white flowers. I prefer roses, calla lilies and stock. I also would like a cherry coffin. Spare no expense.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

FROM the Desk of.....

Things are a little crazy around here this week.....or maybe "out of control" is a better descriptor.

Here is a little "interoffice correspondence."
You can tell that as the week progresses, "my secretary" is becoming a little bit less professional.

URGENT MEMO

TO: Family

FROM: Mom

Due to circumstances totally within our control, the kitchen and laundry room will be closed the week of May 11-17th.
Thanks for understanding.

- - - - - - -
MEMO

TO: Seminary Class

FROM: Your Teacher

Our traditional “end of the year” breakfast will still be held on Friday, May 15th. We will NOT be having our traditional End of the Year Breakfast however. I will have a selection of breakfast cereal for you though. The question was raised as to whether it will be "good" cereal. No, it will not be anything good. You will get whatever is in the pantry on Friday at 6 am.

- - - - - -
Dear Lacrosse Parent,

As we finish our 2008-2009 Boys’ Lacrosse Season, we are already looking ahead to an exciting 2009-2010 season.
We would love to have you consider taking a position on our lacrosse board.

I don't know you but I got your email off our roster........almost like public information. Desperate times call for desperate measures! Pick a position – any position….but really……..wouldn’t you like to be president? It’s reallllllyyyy funnnnnnnnn and super easy!!! Anyone can do it. They let me do for the last three years. I can bring everything over to your house tonight, or right now! Just call me. If you don’t call by 8 pm, I’ll just drop everything off on your porch!


- - - - - -
Dear PTO:

NO! We still do NOT want to be on the 2009-2010 PTO Board. We were serious when we screeched "NO!" in your office in perfect unison a few weeks ago. Don't ask again. We don't do meetings. We don't stick to budgets. And we don't like anyone being the boss of us.
Sorry!

PS: Oh and ........Our decorations for after Prom are better than your decorations! Na na na na na!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

THE Phone Call!

I’m here to report on THE phone call!
It was AWESOME!

Trammell told us he would call sometime on his Monday morning which is our Sunday evening. We purposely had our Mothers’ Day dinner early and sent our dinner guests packing.


Then we made Christmas cookies – a whole different story – while we waited for the phone to ring.
I kept stalling on putting the cookies in the oven because I didn’t want to be babysitting cookies while talking to Tram. Turns out, we got the entire batch baked and rolled in sugar before the phone call.


So he called around 9 pm and it was WONDERFUL.
The connection was really clear – as if he were next door.

For Family Home Evening, we talked about the phone call and what we have learned from Trammell thus far.

We all agreed –
1) He sounds just like the same old great Trammell AND
2) He sounds sooooo, soooo happy.
And to be honest, I don’t really care about anything else. That’s all I care about. And he sounds GREAT!

But we did ask some questions that we have asked 15-20 times before in emails but have never gotten answers to so we’ll pass them on –
1) I WAS RIGHT! He didn’t celebrate his own birthday. That cake, candles, party hat etc in Elder Anderson’s birthday celebration picture last week DID come from Trammell’s birthday package.
2) No, he hasn’t lost his camera. Yes, he has taken pictures. Yes, he will mail the photo card home. (I’ll believe it when I see it!)
3) No, they don’t sleep under mosquito netting. Their apartment is really nice and has air conditioning.
4) They eat breakfast at home – Trammell had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on Monday and then they eat their other meals out. It’s cheaper and faster. But when they do come home to eat, they make fried noodles with vegetables. He loves the food.
5) No, he hasn’t eaten anything weird like scorpions or spiders. Where’s the adventure?
6) The HOT season is ending and the HOT & RAINY season is starting. The average high for the day is 92 and the low is 82………..nice! He says that sometimes it rains so hard that you can actually feel rain going down your pant leg in a stream. Hmmm…….

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

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Happy Mothers' Day everyone!

Enjoy your special day.



(come back tomorrow and I'll tell you about THE PHONE CALL!)

Saturday, May 9, 2009

SURPRISE!

I logged on Facebook and a "friend" had posted pictures of HER missionary turning 20.
Guess who celebrated with him?


Elder Cox!!!!


Aren't they so cute? Even if Trammell's hat does look like it's on fire!

We had NO idea that they lived in the same apartment. I knew that Trammell & Elder Da lived with another companionship, but I assumed they were Cambodian.

Elder Anderson and his companion speak Vietnamese. He wrote home that he lived with some cool Khmer elders. His mom recognized Trammell.

Looking at the picture, I have to wonder.........


Are those the "Cars" Birthday Hats and Cake Decorations that I sent to Tram?


Is that the cake mix and chocolate frosting I sent so that they could make a cake in their rice cooker?


Not that Elder Anderson's mom couldn't send the exact same stuff.

But Trammell HATES, HATES, HATES any kind of fanfare surrounding him...


like the time I hacked into his MySpace account and announced it was his birthday. Or more recently, when I wrote his companion and told him it was Elder Cox's birthday.

Trammell wrote me in the next email and said that his mission president made a new rule that moms aren't allowed to tell anyone when their son's birthday is. :p..... Brat!

1 More Day!

Friday, May 8, 2009

Happy REAL Mothers' Day

You might not think this video is funny.

It makes me laugh so hard I cry.
It makes me cry because it's my life.
It's who I grew up with.
It's who I am raising.
It's who I love.

(No....these are not any of my relatives in this video, but they might as well be.)

To Moms of Boys: Happy Mothers' Day
video

Thursday, May 7, 2009

You Can NEVER Start TOO EARLY!

Evidently, my nephew, Mr. Chunkers got a hold of his mom’s cell phone the other day.



I was on my way home from the temple to change for a lacrosse game and received this TEXT:



“Hey auntie. R u out of the temple yet? Is ur lax game canceled? I need a fix.”



I immediately texted back:



“Mr. Chunkers! Don’t let your mom know you are texting! I’m coming to your house in 10 minutes!”



Mr. Chunkers: “She has me trapped in the car with her making me run errands. I won’t b home for at least 30 mins.



ME: “She is so mean. I have to go to lax at 4.”



Mr. Chunkers: “dang it! I will take a bath and b ready when u r thru. When will this lax crap end? it is interfering with ur visitations."



ME: "I miss you too Mr. Chunkers."



"PS you probably shouldn’t say dang it and crap when you are 9 weeks old because it will lead to worse language when you are 9 months old."



Mr. Chunkers: "Good point. U shud hear my dad."



"Ps im 10 weeks.”

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

WEIRD WEDNESDAY


Remember the sweet little Bird Nest in the wreath on my front door?
The one with 3 little eggs?
Here’s how it looks now?

What the heck happened?
The only thing I can figure is that some big, mean bird attacked the nest and ate the eggs.
This is all that remains – it looks more like a rat’s nest and somehow……..it looks kind of like my life………crazy!
So here is the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY of My Own Brand of Crazy!
THE GOOD:
We received our weekly email from Trammell- Yay!
It was only 1/2 page- Boo!
But he wrote individual emails to everyone in the family- Yay!
He said he was keeping it short because he is calling in 4 DAYS!- WooHoo!
Garrett has a date to Prom- Yay!
THE BAD:
My head is spinning so fast, it's going to spin right off.
And it's not because of the Swine Flu!
I could really use a flucation right now though!
Next week is our Lacrosse Banquet (dh is in charge of that...I don't need to say anything else.)
The next day is the last day of seminary- Yay!
Everyone is coming here for breakfast- Boo!
You know I love these guys, but I'm not feeling up to breakfast right now or right then - sandwiched between feeding 150 and......
Next Saturday is Prom.
My girlfriend and I are in charge of the food for after prom....
food for 1,000.
Oh and next Sunday is Seminary Graduation.
I don't have to actually do anything...just show up after cooking and serving food from 12 to 4 am and announce the graduating seniors. I'll have lots of concealer on.
The problem with these events is that there really isn't anything I can DO right now.........like it's too early to fill helium balloons for next Thursday or cook 1,500 egg rolls for Saturday.
All I can do right now is worry.........and eat donuts and drink Coke.
I have NO details on Garrett's Prom plans.........except his date's mother called this morning to tell me that she is taking care of the flowers. She felt bad about the expenses associated with Prom and since the dinner reservations have been made and Garrett already bought tickets and paid for the limo (realllllyyyy????), she thought she would take care of the flowers.
THE UGLY:
After confessing to bad breakfast habits yesterday,
Parker came home from seminary, fired up the BBQ and grilled a hot dog at 7 am- Ewwwwww!
Garrett's date's dress is "a weird color of green" (this is how her mom described it). Garrett said he just wasn't feelin it and decided not to even attempt any color of green vest and tie. He's going for silver.
Someone! Save me from myself!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS!!!!!


Let me explain!

1) Yes, those are Bugles, Chex Mix (it's made from cereal) and Fruities on the counter......but there are also raisins, a Nutri Grain Bar and a Granola bar.
My kids HATE breakfast. From the time they hit middle school, they claim that eating early (before 10ish) gives them a stomach ache.

2) The money is their lunch money. But most of the time, I make their lunch before I leave for seminary.

3) I leave house at 5:20 before they get up.
4) Once a week, I provide a delicious and so nutrious pan of Pillsbury cinnamon twists or cinnamon rolls (yuck!) that I take out of the oven just as I leave
5) On rare occasions, I make breakfast burritos and leave them wrapped in foil on the counter.

But for the most part, I stand in the front of the class at seminary and wait to see what they come in with and it's usually one or two drinks and a couple of the delicious items off the counter. You just never know what they will walk in with!
Nominate ME for MOTHER OF THE YEAR!

Monday, May 4, 2009

I'm Back! BARELY!!!!!

So, I'm back and just a tad overwhelmed with all the things I need to catch up on!

Sometimes I feel like a need a vacation to recover from my vacation!

But, I will catch you up on my fabulously exciting life!
Load of laundry 4 is spinning away while load 3 is drying!
The roofers are here and they say they are putting part of the roof on today!
Garrett's lacrosse team (who I swore wouldn't make it to the playoffs) made it to the first round of playoffs and WON!
They have their next playoff game tomorrow night.
We started the Book of Revelation today in seminary and only have 2 weeks left!
I get to talk to Trammell in 6 - SIX days!

That's my Monday! I'm swimming in unpacking, bill paying, clearing emails and a trip to the grocery store.
Hope your week is starting off great!

Saturday, May 2, 2009


Do You Know the Way to San Jose?
I DO! And I’m there on a mini vay-cay.
I’m spending a long weekend with my youngest brother, sister-in-law and 3 nephews – 3 year old twins and a 1 year old.

And it is JUST in the NICK OF TIME!
You know how I looooove teenagers? Well by the end of Thursday’s seminary, I didn’t. It's Spring! We're all tired! We've had enough!



We were working on scripture mastery and I suddenly realized that with the ENTIRE back row of girls chatting and the Bonehead Brothers discussing something ultra important in their corner, I was the ONLY one saying the scripture mastery.

Mid verse, I took two steps, snatched the colorful overheads off the overhead and said, “You know what? I’m the ONLY one working on this. We’ve been working on this for 2 weeks. You guys are obviously over it. You can pass it off on your own time.” Yes, I practiced great restraint.


We went on to do some scripture chasing and then jump into 2nd and 3rd John. Our lesson was about people who set examples and how many people they affect. We looked at Christ’s baptism. Hmmm….how many people have followed that example. We decided trillions. We looked at Nephi, Moroni and Joseph Smith. The idea was that these people set an example for the people around them but they may not have even realized how far reaching their examples were.

We always have great discussion (and I'm not talking about individual conversations) in our class and wonderful participation.

So then, I passed out little squares of colored paper and asked them to write a short note to someone in the class who they thought set a good example. I told them they didn’t have to sign it, but in some meaningful detail.

Oh….and you can’t say that someone reminds you of an animal or has spunk. (We’ve already had experience with these comments – “You remind me of a toucan?????????”)

Then the students put their notes on my desk. As they were working on another assignment, I quickly glanced through them and selected a few to read to the class.
I PURPOSELY DID NOT PICK THE BONEHEAD BROTHERS.
I read a few to the class and passed out the rest, bore testimony, had a prayer, dismissed the class. I kept the Bonehead Brothers’ notes on the desk. They came up, “No way, we want our notes. Why didn’t you pass ours out?”

I’ll tell you why! They had written to EACH OTHER!
Tyler had written “Garrett, I really appreciate how you always dress modestly and we can't see your boxers……….” And it went downhill from there.
I didn’t even read what Garrett had written Tyler.

“Yeah, why didn’t you read ours?” Garrett asked.

“Because you’re an ass.”
Well, there you have it.

They didn't even flinch.

I did call him when he was on his way to school.

Here’s our conversation:
Me: “Seriously Garrett, I am sick of you and Tyler talking in class. You two should be setting the example not talking like the girls in the back row.”
G: “Mom, we weren't talking! When you motioned to me to leave class, I wasn’t talking. I was laughing.” (Oh......well............that explains EVERYTHING and THAT is totally okay!)
Me: “You are soooo lucky I am going out of town. Hopefully, when I get home, I won’t still have the desire to put my hands around your neck and squeeze slowly.”
G: “Umm…..Yeah……Sorry!”
Me: “Have a good day. I’ll talk to you later.”

Yep - I think he knows that he is a beloved son of God and has great potential!
Oh and that I will kick his butt if he doesn't cut it out.