HORRIFIED, MORTIFIED & OUTRAGED

Yesterday was my annual bi-annual (as in every two years - not twice a year) Women's Health Exam.
Doesn't Women's Health Exam sound so much less invasive than Pap Smear?

Anyway.  I have gone faithfully every year since giving birth to Parker 15 years ago because I have had a GREAT doctor.
He's so great, all the women on our street go see him.

He's warm, caring and professional.  Doesn't he look like someone you can trust?  And who doesn't LOVE a doctor who was completing his residency when you were in high school?  You gotta love a doctor with a billion years of experience and who is 20 years older than you!


So up until this year, I was a faithful patient.  I showed up every year ON THE DOT.
Then I missed 2009.
I get my mammogram in November and make my appointment for January so he can see the results.
Then Margaret got this great idea that it was a really bad idea to have mammograms in November because "What if one of us got bad news?  Who wants bad news during the holidays?"
So we didn't have our mammograms in November or December or well........not yet.
So I didn't have my appointment in January.


And now it's July (almost).
I need a tetanus shot.
Thing is..........you can't just get a tetanus shot from anybody.
They don't sell them at 7-11.
Strangely enough, it has to be administered by a trained medical professional.
AND a trained medical professional wants to have seen you sometime in the last 5 minutes to make sure you are healthy.
I haven't been to my general physician in years.  I don't get sick.
No one has seen me healthy because no one has seen me sick.
My closest medical relationship is with the one person who does see me yearly - the gynecologist.
And besides, they are the ones who gave me the tetanus shot last time.


So I call.
My doctor has an opening for an annual exam in......like.....October.
"Please, oh please............I'll see anyone."
Receptionist: "Okay, would you like to see Dr. Wagar or the nurse practitioner?"
"Oh anyone.  I'll just be grateful you worked me in.  I'll go to whoever can see me first."
Receptionist: "Let's see.  You can see our new doctor, Dr ----- Tuesday at -----"
"Great."


Imagine my HORROR when I got to the office and there were little postcards that said,
"Please join us in welcoming Dr ----- to our office with a picture of

Okay, it wasn't that bad. But close.  I started to back away from the receptionist desk, hoping she didn't notice me come in.  I fiddled with the "Visitor Sign-in" hoping I could pretend I was a pharmaceutical rep. I thought about running.  But I needed that darn tetanus shot.

I sat on the table with that super cute designer gown - open in the front- trying to decide if I should fold the paper lap drape to make 20 layers so it wouldn't be "see through" or to open it up like a tarp for more coverage.

And in walked the 20 something doctor.

With really stylish black rectangular glasses.  He looked a lot like Clark Kent...........as a 20 year old.

I was MORTIFIED.

What were my choices?
Grab my skirt and run?

Make excuses?  "Ummm..........yeah.......I'm in my 40's and I can only be examined by people in their 60's?"

So it was On With The Show.

In the course of friendly first date doctor/patient conversation, I admitted I was only there for the tetanus shot.

"Ohhhhhh..............I don't think we have any right now...........I'll have the nurse check."

What?

I was OUTRAGED!

I had exposed myself to something worse than diptheria, pertussis and tetanus combined?

AND I wouldn't be innoculated?????

Yeah - so today, I get to tromp down to Tri County Health with Parker for my tetanus shot.

At least I get to keep my clothes on!

The Bonehead Brothers turn into The Bonsai Brothers

I'll tell you what's random!
Hearing an Asianish accent on the telephone and then hearing them butcher the pronunciation of Seoul and Phnom Penh.  I guess it was an different Asian than Korean or Cambodian.  Even I can pronounce those cities!

You want RaNDoM?
I've got RaNDoM!

And if you want MORE RaNDoM, get on over to The UnMom and see Keely!
She's got lots of RaNDoM!


* Must. Kill. My. Brother
My brother showed us his new bonsai tree.


He bought it along the side of the road.
Don't ask.
The Bonehead Brothers were so excited about it, they spent the rest of the evening googling bonsai trees.
Seriously, they spent ALL night watching YouTube videos on taking care of your bonsai tree.
They were at the nursery BEFORE it opened.
Then, not finding the exact specimen they wanted,
they went to an actual Bonsai Nursery 45 minutes away.




* Garrett: "I sure wish someone would have told me about bonsai a few years ago."
Huh?


* They stayed up until midnight creating these:

I guess it's better than hanging out at a bar.

* I stayed up until midnight too!  I was on the phone with the airlines from 4 to 10 pm straight.  Not exaggerating!  It's a whole post in itself.  But I started calling in the morning.  But I got on the phone at 4 and was still on the phone as I drove to the lacrosse game, was on the phone the entire lacrosse game, the whole way home and finally hung up at 10 pm so I could go to Wendy's for chili because who doesn't want Wendy's chili for dinner at 10 pm?

* I called my OB/GYN the other day - thank heavens, not for the OB part.  I'm a teensy behind on having my annual exam done.  But I'm suddenly motivated by the fact that I need a tetanus shot.  They are squeezing me in today.  If I get in there and find out that my last tetanus shot was three years ago, I'm grabbing my clothes and running!

* Ring Ring Ring.......

"Hello.  Drs. Smith, Jones and Doe Obstetrics and Gynecology.  How can I help you?"

"Yes, I need to schedule an exam."

"Okay.  What kind of exam?"

"Ummmm......my five year exam?"

Luckily she had a sense of humor!  Luckily it's really only been 18 months or I would be embarrassed!

* Tuesdays are email days.  I write an email to Trammell in Cambodia

and Tuesday evening, he writes one to us.

We hang out by the computer every Tuesday night around 9.

I am writing an email to him today.

I am writing one to him next Tuesday.

But the next Tuesday, I'm not writing.

I'm getting on an airplane and going over there and PICKING HIM UP!

* I'm a little worried that I have a terminal illness.

Brian tried to buy me a cupcake the other day

and I turned it down.

Something is definitely wrong with me!

Okay - I DID have a little bag with three cookies that I had just purchased stuffed in my purse.

* That's it! 

I have to get back o the phone with the airlines now.

It's going to be another fun, fun day.

And after I can calm down and edit my language, I'll tell you all about it!

Happy TueSDaY!

You KNOW You Want to Come!

We sure know how to travel!
It's all about fun and glamour, relaxation and good food!

Remember the email I received that was in Korean?

Well, after translating it,
I figured out that our flight arrival time had been changed.

We take off from San Fransisco at the exact same time as before,
but for whatever reason, instead of arriving at 7:25,
the plane will arrive in Seoul at 8:10.

Does it really matter?
YES!
Our flight for Phnom Penh (on the SAME airlines) departs at 8:30.

I think we will miss that flight.
I think I better make a phone call.
Running through an airport is 1) Fun and 2) Glamorous!

I've also done some checking.
It's always good to check the weather for your travel destination.
Right now, it's monsoon season in Cambodia.
What does that mean?
Well, it means that in July the average high temperature will be 91 degrees.
The average low will be a cool 77 degrees.
And they will receive an average of 9.31 inches of rain.
That's A LOT of rain!!!!

I checked out the ten-day weather forecast.........just to see what it will be like.

Monday - June 28    High: 88         
                                    Low: 80

Tuesday - June 29   High: 87
                                    Low: 79

Wednesday - June 30   High: 88
                                          Low: 79

Thursday - July 1   High: 87
                                 Low:79
  

Friday - July 2   High: 88
                             Low: 79

Well, I think you get the idea.
Hot & Humid = Fun & Glamorous!

Don't you wish you were going with us?

HaPPY FRiDaY! MUST HAVE CUPCAKES!

"Greetings loved ones.........Let's take a journey!"
Courtesy of Snoop Dogg.  He  ALWAYS knows just what to say!
It's a journey through my mind!
Don't be scared.
It's just time for a defrag and dump!


*And thanks to Mrs. 4444's for giving us a place to dump!

It's her 100th birthday (for Friday Frags) go over and say "Hi!"

* Last night, the WHOLE family was gathered around the TV set watching.......well I can't even remember because I am still traumatized.

We saw an ad for this -

As if watching half-naked girls bend and flex and kick and wiggle on screen isn't awkward enough with 18 and 15 year old boys, we were privileged to get up close and personal with this mini rake to keep your wild things in line.  We will NEVER watch TV as a family again!

* It's been a century since I've had a cupcake.
This week, I've had cake.  I've had pie.  I've had cookies.
I've had caramel corn.  I had Sees chocolates.
But no cupcakes!
Must have cupcakes!
Could someone bring one over please?
I said please!

* Checked my email this morning and I received this from Korean Air -
안녕하십니까 대한항공입니다.
고객님의 스케줄 일부가 부득이한 사유로 인하여 변경되었음을 알려드립니다.
여정 예약번호



KE 24 Operated by KE - KOREAN AIR 변경 전
출발 샌프란시스코(SFO) 10년 7월 14일 13:35 현지시간
도착 서울 (인천) (ICN) 10년 7월 15일 17:45 현지시간

What?  I hope I figure out what it says before I miss my flight!


* Yesterday's line of the day -
We have a little GMC Sonoma.  It's a 1997.  We bought it 7 years ago from Brian's company for $800.
It's probably been driven 3,000 miles since we bought it.
The Mulch Bros are using for their business this summer.
Garrett took it in for an oil change yesterday.

Oil Change Man: "Okay, we changed the oil.  There are a few things that should probably be done -
You need a new battery soon. We also need to change the air filter, flush the brake fluid, and replace the windshield wiper resevoir."

Garrett: "So basically, it's totalled."


* The Mulch Bros start a big 2-3 day job today.
To put it in perspective - visualize the bed of a pickup truck.
A regular pickup bed holds 1 1/2 to 2 yards of mulch or bark.
They ordered 15 yards of mulch and it takes one of those big semi trucks to deliver it.


* It's going to be 99 degrees today.

* Text conversation between Parker and I:
Me: "You have a long day tomorrow.  It's time to go to bed."
Parker: "K"

A few minutes later-
Me: "It sounds strangely like you are not in your room."
Parker: "I'm in the kitchen."
Me: "Hmmmmm....aren't you supposed to be in your room going to bed?"
Parker: "Maybe."
Me: "Get gone."

* Don't you hate it when you are reading a good book and you want to hurry up and finish it so you can see what happens but you don't want to finish it because it's good and you don't want it to end?

Don't you hate it when you are in the middle of a mundane chore and you think "I wonder what so and so (the really interesting character from your book) is going to do?" or "I wonder what happens next?" and then you realize that you finished the book and so and so is not going to do anything and nothing is going to happen next.

Don't you hate it when you finish a good book and eagerly start a new one but by page 8, you realize it's not going to be that great?
Yeah, me too.

*We all have to get tetaus shots before our trip.
Everybody get in line for shots!
What I want to know is why we have to go to THREE doctors to get everyone taken care of and why do I have to BEG for shots?
Why are people so reluctant to shoot us up?
You would think I was asking for heroin!

*In the words of Trammell - who we haven't seen in two years but who we pick up in Cambodia in (I'm opening my calendar and counting) 20-TWENTY days:
"Welp........see ya later."

Have a great weekend!

Our Summer Reading Program

I love to read. I always have a book going.  Always.
Although I don't have much time for reading, I do manage to finish a book every couple of weeks.
I have clearly set a good reading example!

So how is it that NONE of my kids like to read?
NONE!

Garrett, who received an A in AP Lang and scored a 4 on the test,
has read exactly 2 - TWO books in his lifetime.
TWO!
All Quiet on the Western Front - required reading for 10th Grade Honors English
and, get ready for it - Twilight.

Twilight!
And he liked it!
I was so excited that he liked it, I ran out and bought the other books in the series.
He never touched them.

Seriously, how does a bonehead get an A in English without reading Antigone, Death of a Salesman, Moby Dick and a little Charles Dickens?

Anyway, Brian decided that since Garrett will be going to college soon, where they give you three hours of homework for every one hour in class, it would be a good idea for Garrett to "practice" reading.
Tapout Brian.  Tapout.
He "invited" Garrett to go to Borders and pick a book, any book and just freaking read it!

Garrett bought the idea.
He went to Borders.
Parker and I reminded him that his purchase had to come from the right side of the store or the center section.  He was to steer clear of he left (movies and DVD's) and the front (magazines.)

Obviously, looking completely bewildered and befuddled, he was quickly approached by a salesperson.
He explained that 1) he hated to read 2) had never finished a book and 3) needed a book he would actually finish.

He came home with one.
G: "Mom, the girl helped me find a really cool book.  It's about a guy who was in the Mafia, enters the witness protection program, decides to go to med school and becomes a doctor."
Me: "What is it? A biography of Uncle Jim*?"    * name changed to protect the innocent
G: "Yeah, pretty much.  That's why I got it."

He's on chapter 9.
Here's to Book THREE!

MY FAITH IN MANKIND HAS BEEN RESTORED

Parker is working on his Boy Scout Eagle Project.

He is collecting used glasses, new and used reading glasses and cash to buy new glasses for orphans and people in need in Cambodia.

He is working with an orphanage and an NGO- The National Center for the Disabled in Cambodia.
He will spend a day visiting both organizations and dropping off the glasses and cash donations when we are there next month.
Parker was planning on taking the cash donations and going to Costco or Sams where you can buy a three pack of reading glasses for just $7.99.
He found out that he can purchase reading glasses for less than $1 a pair.

I cannot believe the excited and generous response!
Last week, he donned his scout uniform and went to the grocery store with flyers.
He handed out the flyers and explained his project as people went into the store.
The flyers outlined the project and explained that he would be happy to come to their house to pick up their old glasses.

One middle-aged man accepted the flyer and went into the grocery store to do his shopping.
When he came back out, he handed the flyer and a folded up bill to Parker.
Parker thanked him, but when he opened the bill, he saw that it was a $50.

He also collected several additional cash donations.
The next day, an employee of the grocery store called and said that she had gone home and collected some pairs of glasses from her house.
Parker agreed to meet her at the grocery store.
She handed him a ziploc bag with 10 pairs of glasses.
Parker also received five additional phone calls from people donating glasses.

Parker and some friends in his scout troop also canvassed a neighborhood one evening.
They went door to door and collected 50 pairs of glasses and $125 in about 90 minutes.

Sometimes, we get caught up in our own lives.  Sometimes, the news only portrays the inhumanity, the violence and the disrespect for human life. Sometimes, all we hear about war, disease, natural disasters, and misfortune.

But people aren't inherently bad.
People are good.
I've seen it.
Parker's project is a sweet reminder of how much people really do care about each other - including strangers in a third world country.

Afghanistan, Idaho, Camboda and Good Ole Colorado!

Life is good!
It's trash day and I've cleaned all the junk out of the refrigerator, emptied all the trash cans and hauled the trash to the curb!

Now, I've just got to de-clutter my head!
And what do you know?
It's RaNDoM THouGHT TueSDaY!

Good Timing!
Get on over and see Keely at The Unmom's and link up!

* I'm not bragging.  I'm just saying.
Colorado has the most GORGEOUS evenings!
Yesterday was blazing hot.
It was in the mid 90's at dinner time......almost too hot to enjoy eating - not to hot to eat but too hot to enjoy it.
But the incredible thing about Colorado is that it ALWAYS cools down around 7 pm.
We went to Parker's 8 pm lacrosse game and it was totally beautiful.

The sun was setting. The air was cool.
He was playing on turf, so there were NO mosquitoes.
Beautiful!


* Brian liked his cake- even though it ruined his diet plans.

Not only did we enjoy birthday cake at 10 pm, "some" of us had cake for breakfast!


* Last night, we were talking to the parent of a Marine.
He's completed TWO tours of duty in Afghanistan and is preparing for a third in September.
Brian asked him how he thought the war was going.


He said, "It's such a mess.  It's horrible.  The adminstration has made it even more difficult to make any progress there. This month will have the highest KIA rate ever, but we won't hear about it because everyone is too caught up in the oil spill and the media will never report it.  It's ridiculous to leave Afghanistan now or anytime in the near future."
KIA = Killed in Action


I really admire and am grateful for all of those who serve in the military!
Thank you for unselfishly putting your life on the line to fight for freedom!

 * Tiny Baby is finally growing!
He grew 2 inches in 3 months! Yea!
He needs all new clothes.  BOO!
Did you know that when a boy says his shoes don't fit, he doesn't just need a new pair of tennis shoes?
Nope, that means, he needs running shoes, tennis shoes, cleats, church shoes, and flip flops.
ALL shoes WILL purchased will be on sale!


* A new pair of shoes arrived in the mail yesterday.

Tiny immediately took them out of the box and smelled them.
 I mean, buried his nose in them and inhaled deeply.
Why do my boys like the smell of new shoes?
He then laced them up, put them on, walked around the kitchen and pronounced them good.
He also shared, "These will probably only last a month.  I'm just warning you."

 * Go ahead.  Ask me.
How long until we go to Cambodia?
I don't know.
Give me a second.
I'll count up the days........23 days.
We get to pick up Trammell in 24 - TWENTY FOUR days!

After two years+, I get to SEE and TOUCH Trammell.
Do you think I'll cry?
Let's rephrase that.
Do you think I will even be able to see through my tears or form a coherent sentence, or will I just sob?
I'm crying now - at the thought.

 * I was EXTREMELY impressed by our tour of BYU- Idaho.
WOW!
The campus is beautiful.

The people were all really friendly.
His apartment is perfect.
I think it's a good fit for Garrett.
We had a great road trip.


I'm off to make some pasta salad.
Happy TuESDaY!

SOMEONE'S Having a Birthday!

Today is my beloved's birthday!

Yea for Brian!

He celebrated in a big way but going to work.
As he was leaving,
I asked him what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday and he said,
"I'm starting a diet today."
Me: "Really?  What kind of diet?
I was expecting an answer like, "I'm going to cut out carbs.  Or, I'm going to eat more fruits an vegetables."
But no.  My answer was, "It's an 'I'm old and fat' diet."

I made a cake anyway.

What I like about Brian -

He's a hardworker.  He doesn't quit!

He's good at solving problems - from broken door hinges, to broken glasses to broken cars to broken relationships.  He can fix things!

He's trustworthy.  He never reveals a confidence.  He is always honest.  He'll stop whatever he is doing to help people.

He's hopeful.  He always thinks the best of people.  He's not cynical.  He really believes that people can change and that they are doing their best.

He's unselfish.  Unlike me, he shares. He will always give you a bit eof his cookie, a piece of his candy, a sip of his drink.  He will loan out tools, cars and money.

He's thoughtful.  He calls several times a day.  He always asks if I need anything.  At 9:30 at night, when I whine that I am starving, he offers to take me out to get food or make popcorn or something.

Sorry to wreck your diet Brian!
I sure love you!
Happy Birthday!

I'm so fragmented - I'm in 3 different states!

WAIT!  It's still Friday right?  I didn't miss it did I?
I'm late, but I didn't miss it.  I can't help it!

Thank heavens for

I can de-fragment.  Go on over and see Mrs. 4444's and link up!



* I'm so fragmented, I'm not here!
We're going on a whirlwind trip to Idaho - passing through Wyoming and Utah along the way.
WooHoo!
My favorite way to see these states - in a blur!


* The Mulch Bros/Bonehead Brothers are exhausted.
I feel so sorry for them! ;)
They come home exhausted at the end of the day and collapse on the couch.
They are so tired, they can't even play video games.
It's pretty tragic!


* Yesterday, Parker was heard:
"Wait a minute.  I'm getting scammed!  I haven't played video games or golfed all week!"
Yep Parker, you are getting scammed!
Welcome to the REAL WORLD!


* The best part about road trips is going to random gas stations and restaurants and people watching.  No comment.

* For breakfast this morning,
we spent $15.72 at the Kum n Go in Kemmerer.
I had Hostess mini donuts, Munchos, and a large Coke.
Kum n Go
No comment

* We actually stopped at one of those beef jerky trailer stands on the side of the road.
Really.
Garrett bought two bags of elk jerky - gag!
I tasted it - gag!

* I'm always a little bit shocked at the price of hotels in small towns.
For what they charge, I feel like I should be on a beach with a drink with a little umbrella in it.
Not somewhere in a wind tunnel with a green dresser and a cracked pink tile bathroom.
Oh well.

Have a spectacular weekend!

SOMEONE'S GOT SOME "SPLAININ" TO DO!

Trammell sent his photo card home with a missionary couple who returned home to Denver last week.


There are the usual pictures of Cambodian sites:

Pictures of the families he is working with:

Pictures of the people he has baptized:

And then there are these-

I have questions.
I hope he has answers.

SUMMER TIME - When the Livin' is Easy!

I LOVE Summer.
Okay, I LOVE all the seasons.
That's why I live in Colorado.
We get all the seasons.

What I love about summer -

* The quiet coolness of the morning
*Wandering around the house at 7 am while the kids are still asleep
* Going out to get the newspaper and realizing the whole neighborhood is still asleep

* Watermelon
* Summer fruit
* Homemade potato salad
* Vegetables on the grill
* Shish kabobs
* Anything on the grill
* Homemade ice cream
* Baked beans in the crockpot
* Homemade cole slaw

* 4th of July

* Family Vacations

* No schedules -
except for summer lacrosse, getting people to work, working on Parker's Eagle Project, cooking, and the usual housework. ;)

* Summer lacrosse
Sitting out in the gorgeous Colorado evening with no humidty and no bugs and watching people beat each other with sticks.
Hey, at least *I'm* not sweaty

* Cool movie theaters with buckets of buttered popcorn

* The swimming pool

* The way that no matter how hot it gets during the day,
it ALWAYS cools off at night

* Getting into bed with the ceiling fan on and actually being chilly

* More time for reading books