Wednesday, June 9, 2010


Stephanie Meyer has NOTHING on me.
Seriously, where do you think she got her material?
I KNOW a Vampire when I live with one.
And right now, I'm living with TWO!
I swear she must have a surveillance camera at this house.

My kids are VAMPIRES.
How do I know?
Well, check out the facts and see for yourself.

If left unchecked,
our summer would look like this -

* Stay up until 2 am every night and get up after noon.

*Hang out in the dark, cool basement (Man Cave)during daylight hours and emerge after dark or for food.

* Roam the countryside in search of entertainment every night after sunset.

* Root around late at night for juicy meat.

So I have come up with a few Summer rules for Survival - their survival.
Because I do have a wooden stake - or whatever I need to kill a vampire.

Dear Vampire Sons:

1) If you insist on staying up til all hours, be quiet in your nocturnal wanderings.

2) No!  You may not defrost frozen chicken and fire up the grill at 10:30 PM.

3) You must arise at a reasonable hour.  I say 7, you say noon, let's compromise with 8 am.

4) Breakfast is served at breakfast time. Lunch is served at lunch time.
(It's actually not served. Get it yourself).

5) You may not surface from the man cave at noon only to announce that since you just got up and there is no breakfast, you are going OUT to lunch.

6) Everyone must be gainfully employed - and not hunting female werewolves.

7) Work before play

I KNOW!  I am crazy AND out of control demanding. Wouldn't you HATE to live here for the summer?


Mama Badger said...

I found that gainful employment will dictate most of the other items (if you are employed you must follow THEIR schedule, not your own). My Mom's only dictate was that no matter our hours, we could not disturb the others in the house and we must spend at least 6 hours in bed, regardless of the time. Fair enough.

Dawn said...

Right now the kids are 3.5 and 9 months so this doesn't apply yet as the boy insists on waking around 6:30 every morning. Weekends included. I'm sure that this little habit will fade to black right about the time when he has to get up every morning at 6:30.

Mrsbear said...

Haha. My kids just went on break, and I am not advocating any kind of nocturnal activities or noon waking. Let me sleep in a little, fine. But refrain from hibernating.

Lewis Family said...

I may need to borrow your list. I had a conversation with an apparent vampire (whe knew?) of my own yesterday about noon not being an exceptable time to wake up. Goofy kids.

Don and Kelley said...

I love it! I get it!