HORRIFIED, MORTIFIED & OUTRAGED

Yesterday was my annual bi-annual (as in every two years - not twice a year) Women's Health Exam.
Doesn't Women's Health Exam sound so much less invasive than Pap Smear?

Anyway.  I have gone faithfully every year since giving birth to Parker 15 years ago because I have had a GREAT doctor.
He's so great, all the women on our street go see him.

He's warm, caring and professional.  Doesn't he look like someone you can trust?  And who doesn't LOVE a doctor who was completing his residency when you were in high school?  You gotta love a doctor with a billion years of experience and who is 20 years older than you!


So up until this year, I was a faithful patient.  I showed up every year ON THE DOT.
Then I missed 2009.
I get my mammogram in November and make my appointment for January so he can see the results.
Then Margaret got this great idea that it was a really bad idea to have mammograms in November because "What if one of us got bad news?  Who wants bad news during the holidays?"
So we didn't have our mammograms in November or December or well........not yet.
So I didn't have my appointment in January.


And now it's July (almost).
I need a tetanus shot.
Thing is..........you can't just get a tetanus shot from anybody.
They don't sell them at 7-11.
Strangely enough, it has to be administered by a trained medical professional.
AND a trained medical professional wants to have seen you sometime in the last 5 minutes to make sure you are healthy.
I haven't been to my general physician in years.  I don't get sick.
No one has seen me healthy because no one has seen me sick.
My closest medical relationship is with the one person who does see me yearly - the gynecologist.
And besides, they are the ones who gave me the tetanus shot last time.


So I call.
My doctor has an opening for an annual exam in......like.....October.
"Please, oh please............I'll see anyone."
Receptionist: "Okay, would you like to see Dr. Wagar or the nurse practitioner?"
"Oh anyone.  I'll just be grateful you worked me in.  I'll go to whoever can see me first."
Receptionist: "Let's see.  You can see our new doctor, Dr ----- Tuesday at -----"
"Great."


Imagine my HORROR when I got to the office and there were little postcards that said,
"Please join us in welcoming Dr ----- to our office with a picture of

Okay, it wasn't that bad. But close.  I started to back away from the receptionist desk, hoping she didn't notice me come in.  I fiddled with the "Visitor Sign-in" hoping I could pretend I was a pharmaceutical rep. I thought about running.  But I needed that darn tetanus shot.

I sat on the table with that super cute designer gown - open in the front- trying to decide if I should fold the paper lap drape to make 20 layers so it wouldn't be "see through" or to open it up like a tarp for more coverage.

And in walked the 20 something doctor.

With really stylish black rectangular glasses.  He looked a lot like Clark Kent...........as a 20 year old.

I was MORTIFIED.

What were my choices?
Grab my skirt and run?

Make excuses?  "Ummm..........yeah.......I'm in my 40's and I can only be examined by people in their 60's?"

So it was On With The Show.

In the course of friendly first date doctor/patient conversation, I admitted I was only there for the tetanus shot.

"Ohhhhhh..............I don't think we have any right now...........I'll have the nurse check."

What?

I was OUTRAGED!

I had exposed myself to something worse than diptheria, pertussis and tetanus combined?

AND I wouldn't be innoculated?????

Yeah - so today, I get to tromp down to Tri County Health with Parker for my tetanus shot.

At least I get to keep my clothes on!